Saturday, November 11, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Do you realize Nancy Pelosi will now be second in line for the presidency? She’s behind Dick Cheney. She’s literally a heartbeat away – from a guy without a heartbeat.
John Kerry came out of the closet today. Literally he came out. He’s not gay. The Democrats just let him out of the closet.
A group is already raising money for John Kerry to run for president again. Will that happen? It just depends on how much money the Republicans raise.
Turns out the two biggest things that hurt Republicans in the election were sex and money scandals. After all these years of attacking Hollywood it turns out they are Hollywood!
An amendment to legalize marijuana in Nevada was voted down. It probably would have passed but all the people already on marijuana didn’t show up to the polls until today.
Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack is running for president in 2008. What kind of name is that anyway? Doesn’t it sound like a medical problem for an older man? I could picture Wilfred Brimley saying, "Do you have an enlarged Vilsack?”
Wal-Mart is coming out with their own wine. It comes in two flavors – red and white trash.
On the label they of course are telling people to drink responsibly. They don’t want anyone drinking the wine and then getting behind the wheel of their home.
The San Francisco 49ers are moving to Santa Clara. They wanted to move to an area without a team already. Why didn’t they just move to Oakland?
Leno
Do you realize Nancy Pelosi will now be second in line for the presidency? She’s behind Dick Cheney. She’s literally a heartbeat away – from a guy without a heartbeat.
John Kerry came out of the closet today. Literally he came out. He’s not gay. The Democrats just let him out of the closet.
A group is already raising money for John Kerry to run for president again. Will that happen? It just depends on how much money the Republicans raise.
Turns out the two biggest things that hurt Republicans in the election were sex and money scandals. After all these years of attacking Hollywood it turns out they are Hollywood!
An amendment to legalize marijuana in Nevada was voted down. It probably would have passed but all the people already on marijuana didn’t show up to the polls until today.
Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack is running for president in 2008. What kind of name is that anyway? Doesn’t it sound like a medical problem for an older man? I could picture Wilfred Brimley saying, "Do you have an enlarged Vilsack?”
Wal-Mart is coming out with their own wine. It comes in two flavors – red and white trash.
On the label they of course are telling people to drink responsibly. They don’t want anyone drinking the wine and then getting behind the wheel of their home.
The San Francisco 49ers are moving to Santa Clara. They wanted to move to an area without a team already. Why didn’t they just move to Oakland?
