Friday, September 22, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
As you know marijuana was confiscated from Willie Nelson’s tour bus this week. Did you know you can actually use Willie’s bus as a bong? Just suck the exhaust out of the tail pipe.
Keith Richards said in an interview that he can’t do drugs anymore because today’s drugs aren’t of high quality. Drugs today can’t get him high anymore. That’s when you know you’ve done too much dope – when no drug on the planet can get you high anymore.
Actually today he was snorting crushed up moon rocks.
A celebrity birthday today. Nicole Ritchie! She turned 25 pounds today. So happy birthday to her.
Conan
Yesterday was a crazy day over at the U.N. It’s like the "Jerry Springer Show” over there now.
While addressing the U.N. yesterday the Venezuelan President said that the place stunk after President Bush had spoke there the day before. Then someone told him that was just the wind from New Jersey.
He also called President Bush "the devil”. Then today he called him a "cowboy”. President Bush’s response was, "He is sure making it hard me to figure out my Halloween costume.”
Tonight was a big night on television. On ABC "Grey’s Anatomy”, on CBS was "CSI”, and on NBC "Deal or No Deal”, all going against each other in the same time slot. So you could watch sexy doctors, sexy detectives, or Howie Mandel.
Leno
As you know marijuana was confiscated from Willie Nelson’s tour bus this week. Did you know you can actually use Willie’s bus as a bong? Just suck the exhaust out of the tail pipe.
Keith Richards said in an interview that he can’t do drugs anymore because today’s drugs aren’t of high quality. Drugs today can’t get him high anymore. That’s when you know you’ve done too much dope – when no drug on the planet can get you high anymore.
Actually today he was snorting crushed up moon rocks.
A celebrity birthday today. Nicole Ritchie! She turned 25 pounds today. So happy birthday to her.
Conan
Yesterday was a crazy day over at the U.N. It’s like the "Jerry Springer Show” over there now.
While addressing the U.N. yesterday the Venezuelan President said that the place stunk after President Bush had spoke there the day before. Then someone told him that was just the wind from New Jersey.
He also called President Bush "the devil”. Then today he called him a "cowboy”. President Bush’s response was, "He is sure making it hard me to figure out my Halloween costume.”
Tonight was a big night on television. On ABC "Grey’s Anatomy”, on CBS was "CSI”, and on NBC "Deal or No Deal”, all going against each other in the same time slot. So you could watch sexy doctors, sexy detectives, or Howie Mandel.
