Thursday, August 3, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Signs The Supreme Court Doesn't Give A Damn
10.Opinion based on coin flip so they could make 2:40 showing of "Superman Returns"
9. Tough to concentrate with Ruth Bader Ginsburg trying on bikinis.
8. Spent last two days hearing arguments between Barbara Walters and Star Jones.
7. All gavels make crazy "boing" sound.
6. Recesses now take place at area Hooters.
5. Chief Justice John Roberts demands to be called "J. Ro".
4. After heated debate, ruled 7-to-2 that Aerosmith does indeed rock.
3. Upheld gay marriage, but only for really hot babes.
2. For kicks they reversed an old decision and now Gore's President.
1. Invited Anna Nicole Smith back to stand around and look slutty.
Conan
It was so hot out today in New York City that people were playing in the fountains. When you’re hot there’s nothing more refreshing than swimming in a homeless guy’s urine.
Fidel Castro is still in the hospital with a serious medical condition. He still thinks communism was a good idea until he was being rushed to the hospital in a ’55 Oldsmobile.
Israel continues its strike on Hezbollah. Tomorrow they are going to start attacking Mel Gibson’s house.
A member of "The View” said they will not see anymore of Mel’s movies. Barbara Walters said that. Mel Gibson responded by saying, "There goes one $3.00 senior discount matinee ticket.”
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Signs The Supreme Court Doesn't Give A Damn
10.Opinion based on coin flip so they could make 2:40 showing of "Superman Returns"
9. Tough to concentrate with Ruth Bader Ginsburg trying on bikinis.
8. Spent last two days hearing arguments between Barbara Walters and Star Jones.
7. All gavels make crazy "boing" sound.
6. Recesses now take place at area Hooters.
5. Chief Justice John Roberts demands to be called "J. Ro".
4. After heated debate, ruled 7-to-2 that Aerosmith does indeed rock.
3. Upheld gay marriage, but only for really hot babes.
2. For kicks they reversed an old decision and now Gore's President.
1. Invited Anna Nicole Smith back to stand around and look slutty.
Conan
It was so hot out today in New York City that people were playing in the fountains. When you’re hot there’s nothing more refreshing than swimming in a homeless guy’s urine.
Fidel Castro is still in the hospital with a serious medical condition. He still thinks communism was a good idea until he was being rushed to the hospital in a ’55 Oldsmobile.
Israel continues its strike on Hezbollah. Tomorrow they are going to start attacking Mel Gibson’s house.
A member of "The View” said they will not see anymore of Mel’s movies. Barbara Walters said that. Mel Gibson responded by saying, "There goes one $3.00 senior discount matinee ticket.”
