Friday, August 11, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
What a crazy day. I guess you know U.S. and British authorities foiled a terrorist plot. The plan was to blow up planes in mid air. How frightening is that? That makes flying almost as dangerous as Amtrak.
Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?
British authorities said they were able to detect the terrorist plot using a surveillance program that the "New York Times” hadn’t got around to exposing yet.
In London you can’t even bring toothpaste on the plane. Which, for the English, isn’t really a problem.
They’re banning hair gel. How’s Al Sharpton gonna fly?
As you know, President Bush is on his summer vacation. Take a break…there was a creepy moment for President Bush today at his Texas ranch. He was clearing away some brush when he suddenly came face-to-face with George Michael and a truck driver. Frightening moment.
As you know, President Bush is on a 10-day vacation. Congress is on a month vacation - and Joe Lieberman is on a permanent vacation.
Interesting fact about Joe Lieberman. Did you know that his father owned a liquor store? In fact, that how they first met the Kennedy’s.
CBS reporter Mike Wallace has scored an exclusive interview with the Iranian president. I don’t want to say that Mike Wallace is old but the last time he interviewed the leader of Iran it was Ali Babba.
"Sports Illustrated” reports there is a new Olympic sport-open water swimming where you swim over 10,000 meters in the ocean. Gee, what do you think the Cubans are going to win this one. Gold medals all around.
Apparently the Dixie Chicks had to cancel 14 shows on their tour, because of slow ticket sales. There’s some concern they’re losing their fan base. How ironic is that? They finally have something in common with President Bush.
Leno
What a crazy day. I guess you know U.S. and British authorities foiled a terrorist plot. The plan was to blow up planes in mid air. How frightening is that? That makes flying almost as dangerous as Amtrak.
Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?
British authorities said they were able to detect the terrorist plot using a surveillance program that the "New York Times” hadn’t got around to exposing yet.
In London you can’t even bring toothpaste on the plane. Which, for the English, isn’t really a problem.
They’re banning hair gel. How’s Al Sharpton gonna fly?
As you know, President Bush is on his summer vacation. Take a break…there was a creepy moment for President Bush today at his Texas ranch. He was clearing away some brush when he suddenly came face-to-face with George Michael and a truck driver. Frightening moment.
As you know, President Bush is on a 10-day vacation. Congress is on a month vacation - and Joe Lieberman is on a permanent vacation.
Interesting fact about Joe Lieberman. Did you know that his father owned a liquor store? In fact, that how they first met the Kennedy’s.
CBS reporter Mike Wallace has scored an exclusive interview with the Iranian president. I don’t want to say that Mike Wallace is old but the last time he interviewed the leader of Iran it was Ali Babba.
"Sports Illustrated” reports there is a new Olympic sport-open water swimming where you swim over 10,000 meters in the ocean. Gee, what do you think the Cubans are going to win this one. Gold medals all around.
Apparently the Dixie Chicks had to cancel 14 shows on their tour, because of slow ticket sales. There’s some concern they’re losing their fan base. How ironic is that? They finally have something in common with President Bush.
