Saturday, August 12, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
I was driving to work and I see the huge line outside our studio today? I got excited, then I realized it’s not for our show it’s the check in line for the Burbank airport.
As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, the airlines are saying no more hair gels, shampoo, makeup or hair sprays will be allowed in your carry-on bag. Who’s attacking us? Drag queens?
They also said that men can not carry on shaving cream. Why? When was the last time you saw an Islamic militant guy with a can of shaving cream? You’ve never seen that.
The terrorists called the liquid potion they were making, "Mother of Satan”. Which is what Mel Gibson now calls tequila.
See, that offends me, "Mother of Satan”. Why did they have to bring Satan’s mother into this? You can’t blame the mom for the way the kids turned out. I’m sure Mrs. Satan did the best she could.
Officials say the terrorists targeted United, American and Continental airlines. You know what that means. Even terrorists won’t fly southwest. It’s just too cramped. There’s no legroom…
We have to give credit to the U.S. and British intelligence agencies for the good work they did in exposing this terrorist plot. Yet with all our intelligence gathering capabilities we still don’t’ know if Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston are engaged. Why don’t we know this?
They’re now saying the price of crude oil could hit 80 dollars a barrel. That’s beyond crude. That’s obscene.
Give you an idea how expensive gas is getting, in Pennsylvania Amish country there has been a rash of horse and buggy jackings.
In fact, in Texas women are carpooling now to run over their cheating husbands. They get like three or four together. Wait tell the guys are in a group…then hit the whole group.
As you know, Tuesday, Senator Joe Lieberman lost his party’s endorsement. He is not taking it well. In fact, last night, he went out drinking with Mel Gibson.
The National Hobo Convention opened yesterday in Britt, Iowa. Planned activities include a parade, a flea market and a knife fight over a bottle of hooch.
Leno
I was driving to work and I see the huge line outside our studio today? I got excited, then I realized it’s not for our show it’s the check in line for the Burbank airport.
As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, the airlines are saying no more hair gels, shampoo, makeup or hair sprays will be allowed in your carry-on bag. Who’s attacking us? Drag queens?
They also said that men can not carry on shaving cream. Why? When was the last time you saw an Islamic militant guy with a can of shaving cream? You’ve never seen that.
The terrorists called the liquid potion they were making, "Mother of Satan”. Which is what Mel Gibson now calls tequila.
See, that offends me, "Mother of Satan”. Why did they have to bring Satan’s mother into this? You can’t blame the mom for the way the kids turned out. I’m sure Mrs. Satan did the best she could.
Officials say the terrorists targeted United, American and Continental airlines. You know what that means. Even terrorists won’t fly southwest. It’s just too cramped. There’s no legroom…
We have to give credit to the U.S. and British intelligence agencies for the good work they did in exposing this terrorist plot. Yet with all our intelligence gathering capabilities we still don’t’ know if Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston are engaged. Why don’t we know this?
They’re now saying the price of crude oil could hit 80 dollars a barrel. That’s beyond crude. That’s obscene.
Give you an idea how expensive gas is getting, in Pennsylvania Amish country there has been a rash of horse and buggy jackings.
In fact, in Texas women are carpooling now to run over their cheating husbands. They get like three or four together. Wait tell the guys are in a group…then hit the whole group.
As you know, Tuesday, Senator Joe Lieberman lost his party’s endorsement. He is not taking it well. In fact, last night, he went out drinking with Mel Gibson.
The National Hobo Convention opened yesterday in Britt, Iowa. Planned activities include a parade, a flea market and a knife fight over a bottle of hooch.
