Saturday, August 5, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
As you may have heard, this week President Bush had his annual physical. In a related story, Vice President Cheney had his annual autopsy.
Yesterday, President Bush flew out to his Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas to begin his eleven-day vacation. Of course it’s not really a ranch, there’s no cows or horses so really it’s more of an estate, but "ranch” sounds better. It’s kind of like when he calls Iraq a democracy. It sounds better.
Yesterday Senator Hillary Clinton really went after Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld that he has a bad track record and she asked him why she should trust him. Do you get the feeling that maybe she’s been burned by guy before.
You know I keep hearing and reading regarding the Mel Gibson story that they know that Mel meant what he said because alcohol is a truth serum. Keep hearing this over and over. Alcohol is a truth serum. Really? Since when? Women, when’s the last time you met a guy in a bar drinking heavily and he told you the truth? "Married, no, I’ve never been married. Kids? I don’t have any kids?”
Floyd Landis, winner of the Tour de France, was supposed to be on our show last week and cancelled. Then yesterday he was supposed to be on the show and cancelled again. That’s pretty sad, when you don’t even think you can pass the tonight show drug test. Come on! The band got in.
100 degree weather continuing back east. I tell you, people in Connecticut were sweating like Joe Lieberman looking at poll results.
Conan
President Bush gave a speech on immigration near the Texas-Mexico border today. There was an awkward moment when an illegal asked for directions to Dallas.
Afterwards President Bush left for his ranch for a ten day vacation. This is a perfect time for a vacation when things are going so smoothly in Iraq.
The Los Angeles Police Department has a tape of Mel Gibson’s arrest but have decided they are not going to release it to the press. Instead they decided it is too good and are going to sell it on DVD.
Leno
As you may have heard, this week President Bush had his annual physical. In a related story, Vice President Cheney had his annual autopsy.
Yesterday, President Bush flew out to his Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas to begin his eleven-day vacation. Of course it’s not really a ranch, there’s no cows or horses so really it’s more of an estate, but "ranch” sounds better. It’s kind of like when he calls Iraq a democracy. It sounds better.
Yesterday Senator Hillary Clinton really went after Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld that he has a bad track record and she asked him why she should trust him. Do you get the feeling that maybe she’s been burned by guy before.
You know I keep hearing and reading regarding the Mel Gibson story that they know that Mel meant what he said because alcohol is a truth serum. Keep hearing this over and over. Alcohol is a truth serum. Really? Since when? Women, when’s the last time you met a guy in a bar drinking heavily and he told you the truth? "Married, no, I’ve never been married. Kids? I don’t have any kids?”
Floyd Landis, winner of the Tour de France, was supposed to be on our show last week and cancelled. Then yesterday he was supposed to be on the show and cancelled again. That’s pretty sad, when you don’t even think you can pass the tonight show drug test. Come on! The band got in.
100 degree weather continuing back east. I tell you, people in Connecticut were sweating like Joe Lieberman looking at poll results.
Conan
President Bush gave a speech on immigration near the Texas-Mexico border today. There was an awkward moment when an illegal asked for directions to Dallas.
Afterwards President Bush left for his ranch for a ten day vacation. This is a perfect time for a vacation when things are going so smoothly in Iraq.
The Los Angeles Police Department has a tape of Mel Gibson’s arrest but have decided they are not going to release it to the press. Instead they decided it is too good and are going to sell it on DVD.
