Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
It was so hot today Brad and Angelina adopted Ben & Jerry.
It was so hot in Encino that Michael Jackson actually stopped at a young boy’s lemonade stand and just bought some lemonade.
You know the worst thing about the heat wave across the country. Al Gore walking around saying, "I told you so. I told you so.”
If Al Gore’s movie is correct the polar ice caps are shrinking, the ozone layer is shrinking, and the glaciers are shrinking. The only thing not shrinking? Al Gore.
Do you folks know this story? President Bush was recorded using a four letter word at the G8 summit in Russia. At first everyone just thought he mispronounced the word "Shiite.” But that wasn’t it.
Kind of ironic - Bush is listening in on everyone else's phone calls and now he's the one who gets caught saying something he shouldn't. Little payback there.
Valerie Plame, the CIA agent whose name was leaked to the press is now suing Vice President Dick Cheney for violating her constitutional rights. She’s suing Dick Cheney, is that smart? Even the guy Dick Cheney shot in the face isn’t suing him. And he’s a lawyer.
In Colorado, the president of Coors beer, Pete Coors who lost a race for the U.S. Senate awhile back, has admitted that he was arrested for drunk driving back in May. I can't believe he didn't win the senate race - he got busted for drunk driving and tried to cover it up - he's obviously qualified to be senator.
Scientists say now that they are very close to developing chocolate that won’t melt. It’s a chocolate you can eat in hot climates. Apparently we’re holding off on that cure for cancer. Let’s get this chocolate breakthrough first.
Leno
It was so hot today Brad and Angelina adopted Ben & Jerry.
It was so hot in Encino that Michael Jackson actually stopped at a young boy’s lemonade stand and just bought some lemonade.
You know the worst thing about the heat wave across the country. Al Gore walking around saying, "I told you so. I told you so.”
If Al Gore’s movie is correct the polar ice caps are shrinking, the ozone layer is shrinking, and the glaciers are shrinking. The only thing not shrinking? Al Gore.
Do you folks know this story? President Bush was recorded using a four letter word at the G8 summit in Russia. At first everyone just thought he mispronounced the word "Shiite.” But that wasn’t it.
Kind of ironic - Bush is listening in on everyone else's phone calls and now he's the one who gets caught saying something he shouldn't. Little payback there.
Valerie Plame, the CIA agent whose name was leaked to the press is now suing Vice President Dick Cheney for violating her constitutional rights. She’s suing Dick Cheney, is that smart? Even the guy Dick Cheney shot in the face isn’t suing him. And he’s a lawyer.
In Colorado, the president of Coors beer, Pete Coors who lost a race for the U.S. Senate awhile back, has admitted that he was arrested for drunk driving back in May. I can't believe he didn't win the senate race - he got busted for drunk driving and tried to cover it up - he's obviously qualified to be senator.
Scientists say now that they are very close to developing chocolate that won’t melt. It’s a chocolate you can eat in hot climates. Apparently we’re holding off on that cure for cancer. Let’s get this chocolate breakthrough first.
