Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Congratulations to Floyd Landis, young man from Pennsylvania, for winning the Tour de France. This is the eighth time in a row an American has gone through France and into Paris. Eighth times! Even the Germans only did it twice.
Floyd Landis, came back from being eight minutes behind. Despite that he needs hip replacement surgery. He still won. Here’s my question, can the French even ride a bicycle anymore? We sent a guy who had cancer and he won seven times. We sent a guy who needs a new hip he won this time. Why are we making this trip anymore? We should call this thing the "Tour de Indiana.” Make them come over here.
The demand for air conditioning caused a power outage in Santa Monica that crashed MySpace for 18 hours. Law enforcement officials said it was the safest teenage girls have been in twenty years.
John Kerry said today that if he were president the current conflict in the mid east wouldn’t be happening. And then his wife Teresa Heinz said, "Yes dear, I know. Now will you take the garbage out?”
Some sad news, the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited "irreconcilable similarities”.
Letterman
It’s hot out. It’s so hot that over at Rupert G’s Deli the flies were landing on the cold cuts only.
Earlier today Bill Clinton was campaigning for Joe Lieberman. Clinton got everyone so worked up they could barely stay awake during the Lieberman speech.
Congratulations to the new Miss Universe. It’s Miss Puerto Rico. Is it just me or does it seem like the winner is always from earth?
Leno
Congratulations to Floyd Landis, young man from Pennsylvania, for winning the Tour de France. This is the eighth time in a row an American has gone through France and into Paris. Eighth times! Even the Germans only did it twice.
Floyd Landis, came back from being eight minutes behind. Despite that he needs hip replacement surgery. He still won. Here’s my question, can the French even ride a bicycle anymore? We sent a guy who had cancer and he won seven times. We sent a guy who needs a new hip he won this time. Why are we making this trip anymore? We should call this thing the "Tour de Indiana.” Make them come over here.
The demand for air conditioning caused a power outage in Santa Monica that crashed MySpace for 18 hours. Law enforcement officials said it was the safest teenage girls have been in twenty years.
John Kerry said today that if he were president the current conflict in the mid east wouldn’t be happening. And then his wife Teresa Heinz said, "Yes dear, I know. Now will you take the garbage out?”
Some sad news, the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited "irreconcilable similarities”.
Letterman
It’s hot out. It’s so hot that over at Rupert G’s Deli the flies were landing on the cold cuts only.
Earlier today Bill Clinton was campaigning for Joe Lieberman. Clinton got everyone so worked up they could barely stay awake during the Lieberman speech.
Congratulations to the new Miss Universe. It’s Miss Puerto Rico. Is it just me or does it seem like the winner is always from earth?
