Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
How many people had an al Zarqawi weekend? That’s where you get bombed and you can’t find your house.
More news coming out about the death of al Zarqawi. They say he died of complications with his lungs. They said he was smoking when they found him. Not cigarettes. He was actually smoking.
Here’s something bizarre, when investigators were going through the rubble, they found women’s lingerie, leper teddy. Apparently Zarqawi was not only a member of al Qaeda he was a member of al kinky as well.
President Bush made a surprise visit to Iraq today it lasted five hours. Longer than he stayed for any of the National Guard meetings.
Security was very tight. He even had Dick Cheney riding shotgun.
President Bush went to Iraq to boost the new government. That shows how rough the situation is in Iraq when a guy with a 30% approval rating stops by to give you a boost.
Finally some good news for the White House. Today federal prosecutors told Karl Rove he will not be charged in the CIA leak case. This is the best news for the White House since oil hit $70 a barrel.
Sports news. It's the World Cup in soccer and the Stanley Cup in hockey. Americans are so confused, we don't know what sport to ignore.
The Stanley Cup finals on NBC in prime time last night got a two. Not a two rating. Two people watched.
Even Stanley wasn’t watching. And it’s his cup. I don’t think we have ever done worse in the ratings.
Hey Kev, what has 22 arms, 22 legs and no goals in life? The American World Cup soccer team. We haven’t scored a goal yet.
Today Switzerland and France battled to a zero-zero tie. I can’t imagine why this sport hasn’t caught on in America.
Ann Coulter is going to be on the show tomorrow night. Security is very tight. In fact, there is even restricted airspace over the studio. Her people are afraid that Dorothy’s house could drop on her.
Letterman
It’s warm here in New York City. It’s so warm out that even Al Gore said, "To hell with the glaciers.”
Mayor Bloomberg might run for president. Isn’t there a height requirement for that?
Conan
Kevin Federline might be getting into movies he says. Not acting. He’s joining Netflix.
Leno
How many people had an al Zarqawi weekend? That’s where you get bombed and you can’t find your house.
More news coming out about the death of al Zarqawi. They say he died of complications with his lungs. They said he was smoking when they found him. Not cigarettes. He was actually smoking.
Here’s something bizarre, when investigators were going through the rubble, they found women’s lingerie, leper teddy. Apparently Zarqawi was not only a member of al Qaeda he was a member of al kinky as well.
President Bush made a surprise visit to Iraq today it lasted five hours. Longer than he stayed for any of the National Guard meetings.
Security was very tight. He even had Dick Cheney riding shotgun.
President Bush went to Iraq to boost the new government. That shows how rough the situation is in Iraq when a guy with a 30% approval rating stops by to give you a boost.
Finally some good news for the White House. Today federal prosecutors told Karl Rove he will not be charged in the CIA leak case. This is the best news for the White House since oil hit $70 a barrel.
Sports news. It's the World Cup in soccer and the Stanley Cup in hockey. Americans are so confused, we don't know what sport to ignore.
The Stanley Cup finals on NBC in prime time last night got a two. Not a two rating. Two people watched.
Even Stanley wasn’t watching. And it’s his cup. I don’t think we have ever done worse in the ratings.
Hey Kev, what has 22 arms, 22 legs and no goals in life? The American World Cup soccer team. We haven’t scored a goal yet.
Today Switzerland and France battled to a zero-zero tie. I can’t imagine why this sport hasn’t caught on in America.
Ann Coulter is going to be on the show tomorrow night. Security is very tight. In fact, there is even restricted airspace over the studio. Her people are afraid that Dorothy’s house could drop on her.
Letterman
It’s warm here in New York City. It’s so warm out that even Al Gore said, "To hell with the glaciers.”
Mayor Bloomberg might run for president. Isn’t there a height requirement for that?
Conan
Kevin Federline might be getting into movies he says. Not acting. He’s joining Netflix.
