Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Alberto was in the Gulf of Mexico moving north towards Florida. Not the hurricane. A guy in a raft from Cuba. He’s got a good right hand.
I’m sure you know, there’s a big storm named Alberto heading towards Florida. On CNN they said that Florida residence should have a survival plan to take care of themselves. You know, in case FEMA shows up.
That’s the name of the hurricane, Alberto. See even the hurricanes are getting smarter. They know a Hispanic hurricane has a better chance of getting into the U.S.
Here’s the weather report. Over al Zarqawi's safe house in Iraq, it’s partly Sunni with widely scattered Shiite.
President Bush said today that illegal immigrants that come to America should learn English. He said, "Hey, if I was moving to Canada, I would learn Canadian.”
According to the insurance companies, you know what the most stolen vehicle is? The Cadillac Escalade. The least stolen car. The popemobile.
"The New York Post” estimates 40,000 prostitutes have flocked to Germany for World Cup soccer fans. Since all the hookers are in Germany, Charlie Sheen had to have sex with a woman for free today.
Anna Nicole Smith announced she is pregnant. She couldn’t wait to tell the father. Luckily, it was an open casket.
Letterman
It’s summer in New York City. You can tell too. Over at St. Patrick’s Cathedral they put a lime wedge into the holy water.
Did you watch the Tony’s last night on CBS? (and old.Cheers) You’re gay
"The Late Show” won a Tony. We won the award for the biggest waste of a Broadway theater.
Oprah’s production, "The Color Purple” is playing across the street from us. It won a Tony. It’s nice to see something finally going Oprah’s way.
Leno
Alberto was in the Gulf of Mexico moving north towards Florida. Not the hurricane. A guy in a raft from Cuba. He’s got a good right hand.
I’m sure you know, there’s a big storm named Alberto heading towards Florida. On CNN they said that Florida residence should have a survival plan to take care of themselves. You know, in case FEMA shows up.
That’s the name of the hurricane, Alberto. See even the hurricanes are getting smarter. They know a Hispanic hurricane has a better chance of getting into the U.S.
Here’s the weather report. Over al Zarqawi's safe house in Iraq, it’s partly Sunni with widely scattered Shiite.
President Bush said today that illegal immigrants that come to America should learn English. He said, "Hey, if I was moving to Canada, I would learn Canadian.”
According to the insurance companies, you know what the most stolen vehicle is? The Cadillac Escalade. The least stolen car. The popemobile.
"The New York Post” estimates 40,000 prostitutes have flocked to Germany for World Cup soccer fans. Since all the hookers are in Germany, Charlie Sheen had to have sex with a woman for free today.
Anna Nicole Smith announced she is pregnant. She couldn’t wait to tell the father. Luckily, it was an open casket.
Letterman
It’s summer in New York City. You can tell too. Over at St. Patrick’s Cathedral they put a lime wedge into the holy water.
Did you watch the Tony’s last night on CBS? (and old.Cheers) You’re gay
"The Late Show” won a Tony. We won the award for the biggest waste of a Broadway theater.
Oprah’s production, "The Color Purple” is playing across the street from us. It won a Tony. It’s nice to see something finally going Oprah’s way.
