Thursday, May 11, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
With these gas prices I got smart. I'm driving the new Patrick Kennedy hybrid car. Have you seen this thing? It runs on sleeping pills and when you get on the highway it runs on alcohol.
A lot of people are very upset that Congressman Patrick Kennedy was not given a blood alcohol test after his car accident last week. I can understand why they didn't do it. I mean that makes sense. It's kind of like giving President Bush the S.A.T. test. What's the point? You know what the answer is going to be.
As you may have heard, the president of Iran has written a letter to President Bush. I tell you this Iranian president is smart. To make sure Bush reads the letter, it was written on Exxon stationary.
Russia is still very upset over Vice President Dick Cheney's recent comments about that country. I'm sure the vice president has thought his words out carefully. He's not the kind of guy who just shoots from the hip.
In an interview this week Senator Hillary Clinton said that on a personal level she finds president bush has charm and charisma and she enjoys his company. Which is pretty amazing considering she's never said that about bill.
There's talk in Hollywood of making a movie based on the old TV show "Knight Rider." Remember the show "Knight Rider", starred David Hasselhoff and a talking car? You know where they got the idea of a talking car? The producers saw David act and said, "Why don't we give the car a few lines?"
Letterman
This is one of the worst allergy seasons on record. It’s so bad that Rush Limbaugh says he’s addicted to Claritin.
Britney Spears was here last night. While she was here her baby was outside driving around looking for a parking spot.
I came into work today feeling good and then I found an 18 page letter on my desk from the president of Iran.
Did you know he dots his i’s with mushroom clouds?
The president of Iran sent President Bush and 18 page letter. Yeah, right, like he’s going to read that!
Barry Bonds is now one home run away from passing Babe Ruth. 714 home runs. Imagine what he could have done on steroids!
Leno
With these gas prices I got smart. I'm driving the new Patrick Kennedy hybrid car. Have you seen this thing? It runs on sleeping pills and when you get on the highway it runs on alcohol.
A lot of people are very upset that Congressman Patrick Kennedy was not given a blood alcohol test after his car accident last week. I can understand why they didn't do it. I mean that makes sense. It's kind of like giving President Bush the S.A.T. test. What's the point? You know what the answer is going to be.
As you may have heard, the president of Iran has written a letter to President Bush. I tell you this Iranian president is smart. To make sure Bush reads the letter, it was written on Exxon stationary.
Russia is still very upset over Vice President Dick Cheney's recent comments about that country. I'm sure the vice president has thought his words out carefully. He's not the kind of guy who just shoots from the hip.
In an interview this week Senator Hillary Clinton said that on a personal level she finds president bush has charm and charisma and she enjoys his company. Which is pretty amazing considering she's never said that about bill.
There's talk in Hollywood of making a movie based on the old TV show "Knight Rider." Remember the show "Knight Rider", starred David Hasselhoff and a talking car? You know where they got the idea of a talking car? The producers saw David act and said, "Why don't we give the car a few lines?"
Letterman
This is one of the worst allergy seasons on record. It’s so bad that Rush Limbaugh says he’s addicted to Claritin.
Britney Spears was here last night. While she was here her baby was outside driving around looking for a parking spot.
I came into work today feeling good and then I found an 18 page letter on my desk from the president of Iran.
Did you know he dots his i’s with mushroom clouds?
The president of Iran sent President Bush and 18 page letter. Yeah, right, like he’s going to read that!
Barry Bonds is now one home run away from passing Babe Ruth. 714 home runs. Imagine what he could have done on steroids!
