Tuesday, May 2, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Today of course was the "Day Without Immigrants” as they called it. Or as the Native Americans call it "the good old days”.
A day without immigrants. Did Schwarzenegger work today?
Lots of businesses were closed, streets were closed – everything was closed but that big hole down on the border.
There’s a lot of debate on what we call these people. Some say "illegals" is too harsh. Then there’s undocumented worker. What is that? I left my wallet in Mexico.
The demographics of Mexico are changing they say. For example in 1978 a typical Mexican mother had seven children. Now she has two children in Mexico and the other five are born in the United States.
There’s been quite the outrage over the Spanish version of the "Star Spangled Banner” that was released. One good thing though is that now at all the Major League Baseball parks all the players can now understand the words.
California now has the most expensive gas prices. Gas is so expensive now that drivers are shooting themselves instead of each other.
It’s affecting a lot of people. You just wait for the Indy 200 at the end of the month.
President Bush was in New Orleans. He said that, "We all pray for no hurricanes this year.” This is all part of the Faith Based Disaster Management plan.
Letterman
It was a beautiful day here in New York. It was unbelievable. It was so great I pretended I was an immigrant and took the day off.
Gas here is so expensive that the rats are now carpooling in from New Jersey.
Condoleezza Rice is seen as the most popular person in the Bush administration. That’s like being MVP of the Knicks!
Today is the 75th anniversary of the Empire State Building. This is a great historic fact. The Empire State building is the only American landmark to have ever had a giant ape on top of it. Unless you count Maria Shriver as a landmark.
Leno
Today of course was the "Day Without Immigrants” as they called it. Or as the Native Americans call it "the good old days”.
A day without immigrants. Did Schwarzenegger work today?
Lots of businesses were closed, streets were closed – everything was closed but that big hole down on the border.
There’s a lot of debate on what we call these people. Some say "illegals" is too harsh. Then there’s undocumented worker. What is that? I left my wallet in Mexico.
The demographics of Mexico are changing they say. For example in 1978 a typical Mexican mother had seven children. Now she has two children in Mexico and the other five are born in the United States.
There’s been quite the outrage over the Spanish version of the "Star Spangled Banner” that was released. One good thing though is that now at all the Major League Baseball parks all the players can now understand the words.
California now has the most expensive gas prices. Gas is so expensive now that drivers are shooting themselves instead of each other.
It’s affecting a lot of people. You just wait for the Indy 200 at the end of the month.
President Bush was in New Orleans. He said that, "We all pray for no hurricanes this year.” This is all part of the Faith Based Disaster Management plan.
Letterman
It was a beautiful day here in New York. It was unbelievable. It was so great I pretended I was an immigrant and took the day off.
Gas here is so expensive that the rats are now carpooling in from New Jersey.
Condoleezza Rice is seen as the most popular person in the Bush administration. That’s like being MVP of the Knicks!
Today is the 75th anniversary of the Empire State Building. This is a great historic fact. The Empire State building is the only American landmark to have ever had a giant ape on top of it. Unless you count Maria Shriver as a landmark.
