Friday, May 19, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
I’m very proud to say that everyone in our audience is a member of the United States military. What they didn’t tell you is you’re are going right from here to guarding the border.
Welcome to NBC. The only place in the world with more bombs than Iraq.
Thanks to you men and women, the world is a safer place. Unless, of course, you’re an old guy hunting with Dick Cheney. Then it gets a little tricky.
We have the Marines, the Air Force, the Coastguard, the Army, the Navy…the only ones not here are members of the elite Delta Force, they are in Malibu rescuing Britney Spears’ baby from the front seat of his mom’s car. The baby is locked in backwards.
Where are the Air Force guys? That’s something you rarely see in civilian life. Sober pilots!
Here’s a question I have: if you have blonde hair and are a marine, does that make you an empty jarhead?
President Bush met with the Prime Minister of Australia at the White House the other day. The Australian Prime Minister asked Bush, "When was the last time you were down under?” And Bush said, "You must be thinking of the other president…Clinton.”
According to a "Washington Post”- ABC News poll, Americans say they now trust Democrats more than Republicans to deal with Iraq, the economy, immigration and other issues. In fact if the election were held today…John Kerry would still lose.
Leno
I’m very proud to say that everyone in our audience is a member of the United States military. What they didn’t tell you is you’re are going right from here to guarding the border.
Welcome to NBC. The only place in the world with more bombs than Iraq.
Thanks to you men and women, the world is a safer place. Unless, of course, you’re an old guy hunting with Dick Cheney. Then it gets a little tricky.
We have the Marines, the Air Force, the Coastguard, the Army, the Navy…the only ones not here are members of the elite Delta Force, they are in Malibu rescuing Britney Spears’ baby from the front seat of his mom’s car. The baby is locked in backwards.
Where are the Air Force guys? That’s something you rarely see in civilian life. Sober pilots!
Here’s a question I have: if you have blonde hair and are a marine, does that make you an empty jarhead?
President Bush met with the Prime Minister of Australia at the White House the other day. The Australian Prime Minister asked Bush, "When was the last time you were down under?” And Bush said, "You must be thinking of the other president…Clinton.”
According to a "Washington Post”- ABC News poll, Americans say they now trust Democrats more than Republicans to deal with Iraq, the economy, immigration and other issues. In fact if the election were held today…John Kerry would still lose.
