Saturday, May 13, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
I signed up for a great new calling plan today - that NSA Friends and family plan. For $100 a month, they listen to all my friends and all my family.
Have you heard about this? According to "USA Today” the National Security Agency has been collecting phone records on millions and millions of ordinary Americans. So this Sunday when you call mom to wish her a Happy Mother's day, don't forget to take a moment to say hello to President Bush. He's probably listening.
President Bush denying all of this. He says this secret plan is strictly targeting terrorist. Forgot terrorist, how about targeting telemarketers? Then we would go along with it.
A new poll shows that Americans believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. Well, when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time.
President Bush is going to address the nation Monday night on the immigration issue. Bush said he would have given the address tonight but, he couldn't get that mission accomplished sign in Spanish made fast enough.
President Bush is asking the networks to make room in prime time Monday night for his speech. That should be no problem for NBC. The whole week is pretty much open.
Barry Bonds is only one homerun away from tying Babe Ruth...Oh sure, but could he do it like the Dabe did?... Fat and drunk? That's the question?
Letterman
(Opening applause) Settle down. You all sound like Exxon shareholders.
If I seem a little rattled, a little shaken tonight it’s because I caught a ride with Patrick Kennedy to work today.
Leno
I signed up for a great new calling plan today - that NSA Friends and family plan. For $100 a month, they listen to all my friends and all my family.
Have you heard about this? According to "USA Today” the National Security Agency has been collecting phone records on millions and millions of ordinary Americans. So this Sunday when you call mom to wish her a Happy Mother's day, don't forget to take a moment to say hello to President Bush. He's probably listening.
President Bush denying all of this. He says this secret plan is strictly targeting terrorist. Forgot terrorist, how about targeting telemarketers? Then we would go along with it.
A new poll shows that Americans believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. Well, when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time.
President Bush is going to address the nation Monday night on the immigration issue. Bush said he would have given the address tonight but, he couldn't get that mission accomplished sign in Spanish made fast enough.
President Bush is asking the networks to make room in prime time Monday night for his speech. That should be no problem for NBC. The whole week is pretty much open.
Barry Bonds is only one homerun away from tying Babe Ruth...Oh sure, but could he do it like the Dabe did?... Fat and drunk? That's the question?
Letterman
(Opening applause) Settle down. You all sound like Exxon shareholders.
If I seem a little rattled, a little shaken tonight it’s because I caught a ride with Patrick Kennedy to work today.
