Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Church was so empty yesterday. I think everybody went to see "The Da Vinci Code”.
"The Da Vinci Code” grossed more than $224 million world wide this past weekend. In fact, today relatives of Michelangelo called and said, "Hey, we’ve got a code too. You might want to check it out.” I couldn’t believe
How many have seen "The Da Vinci Code”? Or as the atheist call it "Roots.”
The Catholic Church is still very angry about "The Da Vinci Code” - they don’t like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
The CIA has a new lead on the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden. They think he may be hiding out in an empty theater showing the movie, "Poseidon”.
President Bush has proposed sweeping immigration changes; which is pretty amazing when you consider that before he became president, Bush thought immigration was the sincerest form of flattery.
As you know, President Bush signed a huge tax cut. He’s hoping that these tax cuts for the rich will attract a wealthier more affluent group of illegal immigrants.
Former President Bill Clinton has just signed another book deal. We have an advanced copy. Hand me that will you? (drop-in screen: book title, "The Five People You Meet Under My Desk”)
Congratulations to Barry Bonds who got his 714th asterisk yesterday.
Letterman
"The Da Vinci Code” made $74 million over the weekend. It came in just behind a gas station out in Queens.
Scientists say they can know teach birds grammar. And if this works they’re going to next do the same thing with President Bush.
Hillary Clinton says that in her spare time she likes to download iTunes. We all know that in his spare time Bill likes to download interns.
Leno
Church was so empty yesterday. I think everybody went to see "The Da Vinci Code”.
"The Da Vinci Code” grossed more than $224 million world wide this past weekend. In fact, today relatives of Michelangelo called and said, "Hey, we’ve got a code too. You might want to check it out.” I couldn’t believe
How many have seen "The Da Vinci Code”? Or as the atheist call it "Roots.”
The Catholic Church is still very angry about "The Da Vinci Code” - they don’t like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
The CIA has a new lead on the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden. They think he may be hiding out in an empty theater showing the movie, "Poseidon”.
President Bush has proposed sweeping immigration changes; which is pretty amazing when you consider that before he became president, Bush thought immigration was the sincerest form of flattery.
As you know, President Bush signed a huge tax cut. He’s hoping that these tax cuts for the rich will attract a wealthier more affluent group of illegal immigrants.
Former President Bill Clinton has just signed another book deal. We have an advanced copy. Hand me that will you? (drop-in screen: book title, "The Five People You Meet Under My Desk”)
Congratulations to Barry Bonds who got his 714th asterisk yesterday.
Letterman
"The Da Vinci Code” made $74 million over the weekend. It came in just behind a gas station out in Queens.
Scientists say they can know teach birds grammar. And if this works they’re going to next do the same thing with President Bush.
Hillary Clinton says that in her spare time she likes to download iTunes. We all know that in his spare time Bill likes to download interns.
