Thursday, April 20, 2006
Late Night Jokes
Leno
Lets see what is going on in the news. We are about to go to war with Iran. A woman in Los Angeles has the bubonic plague. Iraq's a mess...but the big story, Tom and Katie had their baby!
Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House.
Today, during a Pentagon briefing, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said we're making progress and we're very close to capturing some high ranking officials. Unfortunately they are all retired U.S. generals.
While in the United States the President of China plans to make the rounds at Wal-Mart stores. You know, doing inventory.
He will also be visiting the White House. So China's president meets America's president. It will be President Hu meeting President Huh.
Kiefer Sutherland on the show tonight. As you may have heard he signed a three-year $40-million dollar deal to continue starring in the show "24". Here's the scary part, four of the five people who made that deal yesterday are now dead.
Kiefer was sent over here on a mission: to diffuse all the bombs on NBC.
Letterman
Did you hear about the tramway yesterday? The tram that goes to Roosevelt Island got stuck over the East River. 69 people were stuck and had to be rescued. Believe me, we owe a debt of a gratitude to Superman.
They were stuck on the tram for six hours. Everyone is okay. The good news – FEMA arrives next week!
Tom Cruise was on the "Today Show” this morning lecturing Matt Lauer on diaper rash.
As you know Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby girl. It weighs 7 pounds 7 ounces and is 20 inches long…wait that’s Tom.
Leno
Lets see what is going on in the news. We are about to go to war with Iran. A woman in Los Angeles has the bubonic plague. Iraq's a mess...but the big story, Tom and Katie had their baby!
Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House.
Today, during a Pentagon briefing, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said we're making progress and we're very close to capturing some high ranking officials. Unfortunately they are all retired U.S. generals.
While in the United States the President of China plans to make the rounds at Wal-Mart stores. You know, doing inventory.
He will also be visiting the White House. So China's president meets America's president. It will be President Hu meeting President Huh.
Kiefer Sutherland on the show tonight. As you may have heard he signed a three-year $40-million dollar deal to continue starring in the show "24". Here's the scary part, four of the five people who made that deal yesterday are now dead.
Kiefer was sent over here on a mission: to diffuse all the bombs on NBC.
Letterman
Did you hear about the tramway yesterday? The tram that goes to Roosevelt Island got stuck over the East River. 69 people were stuck and had to be rescued. Believe me, we owe a debt of a gratitude to Superman.
They were stuck on the tram for six hours. Everyone is okay. The good news – FEMA arrives next week!
Tom Cruise was on the "Today Show” this morning lecturing Matt Lauer on diaper rash.
As you know Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby girl. It weighs 7 pounds 7 ounces and is 20 inches long…wait that’s Tom.
