Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
In a remarkable speech over the weekend, Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt recommended that Americans store canned tuna and powdered milk under their beds for when bird flu hits. What? This ranks right up there with "duck and cover” during a nuclear attack. In case of radiation wear a hat.
Powdered milk and tuna? How many would rather have the bird flu?
How many still have their computers unplugged from Y2K?
They said on the news tonight that U.S. spy satellites are being used to track infected birds for bird flu. I just hope they work as well as they did in the hunt for Osama bin Laden. Finding that robin red breast should be no problem.
Analysts now say that killing this port deal has hurt our standing in the Muslim world. Yeah you would hate to see anything hurt our current title of "The Great Satan”.
In front of a crowd in Florida this past weekend, Al Gore said that, "The people of the United States are going to stand up and take our country back.” And then the manager of the karaoke bar took the microphone away and said, "Either sing or sit down buddy.”
People in Utah are very upset with HBO because of the show that follows "The Sopranos” called "Big Love.” It’s about a man in Utah who has three families and seven kids with three different wives. Didn’t that used to be called the NBA?
Are you into this March Madness? Every year over two and a half billion dollars ends up getting bet on this. And that’s just by Wayne Gretzky’s wife.
Mike Wallace is stepping down from "60 Minutes”. What is he…88 years old? CBS was swamped with thousands of calls after the announcement. All from Katie Couric trying to get his job.
To give you an idea how long Mike’s been around when he first reported on the war in Iraq it was called Mesopotamia.
Leno
In a remarkable speech over the weekend, Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt recommended that Americans store canned tuna and powdered milk under their beds for when bird flu hits. What? This ranks right up there with "duck and cover” during a nuclear attack. In case of radiation wear a hat.
Powdered milk and tuna? How many would rather have the bird flu?
How many still have their computers unplugged from Y2K?
They said on the news tonight that U.S. spy satellites are being used to track infected birds for bird flu. I just hope they work as well as they did in the hunt for Osama bin Laden. Finding that robin red breast should be no problem.
Analysts now say that killing this port deal has hurt our standing in the Muslim world. Yeah you would hate to see anything hurt our current title of "The Great Satan”.
In front of a crowd in Florida this past weekend, Al Gore said that, "The people of the United States are going to stand up and take our country back.” And then the manager of the karaoke bar took the microphone away and said, "Either sing or sit down buddy.”
People in Utah are very upset with HBO because of the show that follows "The Sopranos” called "Big Love.” It’s about a man in Utah who has three families and seven kids with three different wives. Didn’t that used to be called the NBA?
Are you into this March Madness? Every year over two and a half billion dollars ends up getting bet on this. And that’s just by Wayne Gretzky’s wife.
Mike Wallace is stepping down from "60 Minutes”. What is he…88 years old? CBS was swamped with thousands of calls after the announcement. All from Katie Couric trying to get his job.
To give you an idea how long Mike’s been around when he first reported on the war in Iraq it was called Mesopotamia.
