Saturday, March 18, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Happy St. Patrick’s Day everybody! What a weekend, we have St. Patrick’s Day, the NCAA Tournament, and spring break all at the same time. It’s like the alcoholics trifecta.
According to a survey in the paper today, 10% of all workers had a drink on company time today to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Do you know what you call those employees? Airline pilots!
Everybody drank at work. Not a good day to go in for lasik eye surgery.
Things didn’t go too well at the White House St. Patrick’s Day party - did you hear what happened today? Dick Cheney shot a leprechaun.
The Neverland Ranch has officially closed its doors today. Michael was pretty sad. He said he had a lot of fondling memories of the place.
Now that it’s for sale a lot of the neighbors are worried. They’re afraid some weirdo might buy the place.
This bird flu is pretty is pretty scary. I spent an hour last night rubbing Vicks Vapo-rub on my parakeet.
More bad news for President Bush. His approval rating has now dropped again - it’s now down to 33%. When he was in college his blood alcohol was higher than that.
According to a new survey by the Pew Research Center, Republicans are happier than Democrats. Well sure, they own everything.
That makes sense - if you’re a Republican politician, you get wined and dined by oil companies, bankers, foreign investors. If you’re a Democrat, you have to go to things like rallies for illegal migrant workers and meet with angry lesbians for animal rights. That’s no fun.
Leno
Happy St. Patrick’s Day everybody! What a weekend, we have St. Patrick’s Day, the NCAA Tournament, and spring break all at the same time. It’s like the alcoholics trifecta.
According to a survey in the paper today, 10% of all workers had a drink on company time today to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Do you know what you call those employees? Airline pilots!
Everybody drank at work. Not a good day to go in for lasik eye surgery.
Things didn’t go too well at the White House St. Patrick’s Day party - did you hear what happened today? Dick Cheney shot a leprechaun.
The Neverland Ranch has officially closed its doors today. Michael was pretty sad. He said he had a lot of fondling memories of the place.
Now that it’s for sale a lot of the neighbors are worried. They’re afraid some weirdo might buy the place.
This bird flu is pretty is pretty scary. I spent an hour last night rubbing Vicks Vapo-rub on my parakeet.
More bad news for President Bush. His approval rating has now dropped again - it’s now down to 33%. When he was in college his blood alcohol was higher than that.
According to a new survey by the Pew Research Center, Republicans are happier than Democrats. Well sure, they own everything.
That makes sense - if you’re a Republican politician, you get wined and dined by oil companies, bankers, foreign investors. If you’re a Democrat, you have to go to things like rallies for illegal migrant workers and meet with angry lesbians for animal rights. That’s no fun.
