Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Gas prices continuing to go up, $3.10 a gallon today. In fact, you know those 500,000 people who were marching in downtown L.A. this past weekend? Turns out they weren't protesting, they were commuting! Just trying to get to work.
President Bush watched the protest on the news and he thought it was Cinco de Mayo.
Yesterday, President Bush gave a big speech about immigration reform. Is President Bush the best person to be talking about entering another country illegally?
The good news, congress is cracking down on illegal immigration. The bad news, a head of lettuce will not cost three hundred dollars.
President Bush is headed to Cancun, Mexico. Did you have the same thought I had? Uh oh. He's drinking again.
You’d have thought if any president would have gone to Cancun during spring break it would have been Bill Clinton.
Getting ready for Easter? In St. Paul, Minnesota, city hall removed a display of an Easter bunny, pastel eggs and a sign with the words "Happy Easter" because they might offend non-Christians. Good thing. You certainly don't want anything Christian tainting a city called St. Paul.
How come people want to take the God out of Easter but no one wants to take the Satan out of Halloween?
Letterman
How many people here are a secret love child of Randy Johnson’s?
A casino in Vegas now has a 510 dish buffet. 510 dishes! Another thing that will endear us to the starving third world.
There is so much food at the buffet that Elvis showed up!
There was a total eclipse of the sun today. President Bush said that the eclipse proves the unreliability of solar power.
President Bush is heading to Cancun, Mexico. He is looking for tequila of mass destruction.
Conan
President Bush is currently in Mexico. Today he visited the Mayan ruins. Apparently he is learning from mistakes because he promised that FEMA would help the Mayans rebuild.
Leno
Gas prices continuing to go up, $3.10 a gallon today. In fact, you know those 500,000 people who were marching in downtown L.A. this past weekend? Turns out they weren't protesting, they were commuting! Just trying to get to work.
President Bush watched the protest on the news and he thought it was Cinco de Mayo.
Yesterday, President Bush gave a big speech about immigration reform. Is President Bush the best person to be talking about entering another country illegally?
The good news, congress is cracking down on illegal immigration. The bad news, a head of lettuce will not cost three hundred dollars.
President Bush is headed to Cancun, Mexico. Did you have the same thought I had? Uh oh. He's drinking again.
You’d have thought if any president would have gone to Cancun during spring break it would have been Bill Clinton.
Getting ready for Easter? In St. Paul, Minnesota, city hall removed a display of an Easter bunny, pastel eggs and a sign with the words "Happy Easter" because they might offend non-Christians. Good thing. You certainly don't want anything Christian tainting a city called St. Paul.
How come people want to take the God out of Easter but no one wants to take the Satan out of Halloween?
Letterman
How many people here are a secret love child of Randy Johnson’s?
A casino in Vegas now has a 510 dish buffet. 510 dishes! Another thing that will endear us to the starving third world.
There is so much food at the buffet that Elvis showed up!
There was a total eclipse of the sun today. President Bush said that the eclipse proves the unreliability of solar power.
President Bush is heading to Cancun, Mexico. He is looking for tequila of mass destruction.
Conan
President Bush is currently in Mexico. Today he visited the Mayan ruins. Apparently he is learning from mistakes because he promised that FEMA would help the Mayans rebuild.
