Tuesday, March 7, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Did you all watch the Oscars last night? Or as we call it, the Gay Super Bowl.
You know, the Oscars were seen in over 100 countries, two of which don’t hate us.
Real shocker last night was that "Crash” upset "Brokeback Mountain” to win best picture. They were not happy in West Hollywood. They were looting pottery barns, flipping over Volvos, smashing Liza Minnelli records. It was ugly.
I feel bad for "Brokeback Mountain” - they make this great movie about intolerance and then they get screwed by a movie about racism.
Actually, "Crash” and "Brokeback Mountain” had similar themes. Whether you’re a driver in L.A. or a cowboy in Montana, keep checking your rear view mirror. You don’t know what’s going to be coming up behind you.
George Clooney won for "Syriana”, which was about the CIA and what people will do for oil. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, a love story.
President Bush said that America has caused an incredible transformation in Afghanistan. Everything is being rebuilt, people are getting jobs, kids are going back to school. In fact, the president says it worked so well over there he’s not thinking of trying it in New Orleans.
President Bush was also in Pakistan. Which is a little scary. When they landed there they landed in the dark with the lights off and all the shades pulled down. So if you count the Dubai deal, that's the second time President Bush has been operating in the dark.
Hillary Clinton now says she didn't know her husband, Bill Clinton, was giving Dubai advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Hillary not knowing what her husband is doing. Has that ever happened before?
I’m sure you have heard by now, Bill Clinton is looking for 25 interns to work at his library. I was thinking about that, could you fit 25 interns of them in his library?
Clinton says that anyone he hires must be good on the computer…good on the coffee table, good on top of the copy machine…
Leno
Did you all watch the Oscars last night? Or as we call it, the Gay Super Bowl.
You know, the Oscars were seen in over 100 countries, two of which don’t hate us.
Real shocker last night was that "Crash” upset "Brokeback Mountain” to win best picture. They were not happy in West Hollywood. They were looting pottery barns, flipping over Volvos, smashing Liza Minnelli records. It was ugly.
I feel bad for "Brokeback Mountain” - they make this great movie about intolerance and then they get screwed by a movie about racism.
Actually, "Crash” and "Brokeback Mountain” had similar themes. Whether you’re a driver in L.A. or a cowboy in Montana, keep checking your rear view mirror. You don’t know what’s going to be coming up behind you.
George Clooney won for "Syriana”, which was about the CIA and what people will do for oil. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, a love story.
President Bush said that America has caused an incredible transformation in Afghanistan. Everything is being rebuilt, people are getting jobs, kids are going back to school. In fact, the president says it worked so well over there he’s not thinking of trying it in New Orleans.
President Bush was also in Pakistan. Which is a little scary. When they landed there they landed in the dark with the lights off and all the shades pulled down. So if you count the Dubai deal, that's the second time President Bush has been operating in the dark.
Hillary Clinton now says she didn't know her husband, Bill Clinton, was giving Dubai advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Hillary not knowing what her husband is doing. Has that ever happened before?
I’m sure you have heard by now, Bill Clinton is looking for 25 interns to work at his library. I was thinking about that, could you fit 25 interns of them in his library?
Clinton says that anyone he hires must be good on the computer…good on the coffee table, good on top of the copy machine…
