Friday, March 3, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Are you all ready for the Academy Awards? Today the academy awards crew took those big giant Oscar statues out of storage, sandblasted them, filled in the cracks with putty, painted them, and then placed them at the end of the red carpet. Tomorrow they will do the same with Joan Rivers.
The big story this year at the Oscars is who will win best animated short. Everyone’s hoping that it’s not a Muslim cartoon.
The U.S. Senate voted to renew the Patriot Act. President Bush was over in India and heard about it through a wiretap in the senate.
President Bush today welcomed India into the nuclear community. That’ll make you think twice before knocking off a 7-11. They’ve got nukes now.
There was one tense moment when President Bush was greeted by a huge crowd chanting, "Bush go home. Bush go home." The bad news, these were Americans at our embassy.
In England at a Kanye West concert, two ushers were shot. President Bush said that Kanye West doesn't care about ushers.
The Rolling Stones will be performing in China. A lot has changed since the last Rolling Stones last visit. China built a great wall.
Letterman
President Bush was in India today meeting with the prime minister. This prime minister is a busy guy. At night he works for AOL tech support.
The Academy Awards are this weekend. The 78th version…there will be a lot of new faces, same people, just new faces.
Conan
President Bush was in India this week and he announced he is lifting the ban on Indian mangos. He later went on to say, "That’s been my plan all along, to liberate Iraq and then lift the ban on Indian mangos.”
Leno
Are you all ready for the Academy Awards? Today the academy awards crew took those big giant Oscar statues out of storage, sandblasted them, filled in the cracks with putty, painted them, and then placed them at the end of the red carpet. Tomorrow they will do the same with Joan Rivers.
The big story this year at the Oscars is who will win best animated short. Everyone’s hoping that it’s not a Muslim cartoon.
The U.S. Senate voted to renew the Patriot Act. President Bush was over in India and heard about it through a wiretap in the senate.
President Bush today welcomed India into the nuclear community. That’ll make you think twice before knocking off a 7-11. They’ve got nukes now.
There was one tense moment when President Bush was greeted by a huge crowd chanting, "Bush go home. Bush go home." The bad news, these were Americans at our embassy.
In England at a Kanye West concert, two ushers were shot. President Bush said that Kanye West doesn't care about ushers.
The Rolling Stones will be performing in China. A lot has changed since the last Rolling Stones last visit. China built a great wall.
Letterman
President Bush was in India today meeting with the prime minister. This prime minister is a busy guy. At night he works for AOL tech support.
The Academy Awards are this weekend. The 78th version…there will be a lot of new faces, same people, just new faces.
Conan
President Bush was in India this week and he announced he is lifting the ban on Indian mangos. He later went on to say, "That’s been my plan all along, to liberate Iraq and then lift the ban on Indian mangos.”
