Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Last night was the closing ceremonies of the winter Olympics. By now most of the athletes have left the Olympic Village in Torino. Except for Bode Miller who is still passed out in toilet stall number three.
Boy, what happened there? At least on the way home he won’t have to worry about setting off any medal detectors at airport security.
The U.S. men’s curling team lost to Canada but they did win the bronze against England. Do you know what is amazing, curling is getting huge ratings among women. Women love to watch curling. Well sure, think about it. When do women ever get a chance to see a man pick up a broom? It never happens.
Now that the Olympics are over NBC is in big trouble. Well, ya now we have to go back to regular programming. "Book of Daniel 2”.
It looks like a civil war is brewing in Iraq. Who could have seen that coming? They say it is total chaos over there. People are roaming the streets with guns. It’s like everyone is Dick Cheney now.
On Wednesday President Bush will fly to India. See, last week he met with American workers. This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs.
Former Secretary of State Colin Powell is here tonight. He is out here trying to broker a peace accord between Donald Trump and Martha Stewart.
Letterman
It’s been cold! It was so cold in D.C. that Dick Cheney shot the weatherman!
It’s so cold here in New York City that Mayor Bloomberg has turned over the city ports to Eskimos.
An Arab company might take over six American ports. President Bush says that he did not know of the plan. That is just so out of character.
Leno
Last night was the closing ceremonies of the winter Olympics. By now most of the athletes have left the Olympic Village in Torino. Except for Bode Miller who is still passed out in toilet stall number three.
Boy, what happened there? At least on the way home he won’t have to worry about setting off any medal detectors at airport security.
The U.S. men’s curling team lost to Canada but they did win the bronze against England. Do you know what is amazing, curling is getting huge ratings among women. Women love to watch curling. Well sure, think about it. When do women ever get a chance to see a man pick up a broom? It never happens.
Now that the Olympics are over NBC is in big trouble. Well, ya now we have to go back to regular programming. "Book of Daniel 2”.
It looks like a civil war is brewing in Iraq. Who could have seen that coming? They say it is total chaos over there. People are roaming the streets with guns. It’s like everyone is Dick Cheney now.
On Wednesday President Bush will fly to India. See, last week he met with American workers. This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs.
Former Secretary of State Colin Powell is here tonight. He is out here trying to broker a peace accord between Donald Trump and Martha Stewart.
Letterman
It’s been cold! It was so cold in D.C. that Dick Cheney shot the weatherman!
It’s so cold here in New York City that Mayor Bloomberg has turned over the city ports to Eskimos.
An Arab company might take over six American ports. President Bush says that he did not know of the plan. That is just so out of character.
