Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Happy President’s Day! Or as Hillary Clinton calls it "one of these days”.
President’s Day is the day we celebrate presidents from Washington to Clinton to Bush. So we’ve gone from one who couldn’t speak a lie to one who couldn’t speak the truth to one who couldn’t speak!
Actually, one awkward moment today in Washington. During the 21 gun salute, Dick Cheney returned fire.
In a newly released tape, Osama bin Laden says he won’t be captured alive and he’s not afraid of President Bush. He’s terrified of Dick Cheney he’s just not afraid of bush.
Harry Whittington, the man he shot, has been released from the hospital. He is 78 years old. He looked good for a man who was 78. I haven’t seen a 78-year-old look that good in front of a microphone since Mick Jagger at the Super Bowl.
I finally saw "Crash” last night. Not the movie - the ice dancing competition.
Did you see that stare that Italian ice-dancer gave her partner after they fell? I haven’t seen that icy a stare since Bill and Hillary.
NBC now has 418 hours of Olympic viewing. I think this is day 112 of Olympics…you know what NBC normally calls 418 hours of programming? "Law and Order”.
Letterman
I had a good weekend. Mom watched the Daytona 500. I watched ice dancing.
Dick Cheney is on vacation in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. So far he’s shot two skiers.
Osama bin Laden has a new tape out. This one is scary. In it he announces his Oscar picks.
Osama says we will never get him alive. That’s probably true. He’ll die of old age is more like it.
Leno
Happy President’s Day! Or as Hillary Clinton calls it "one of these days”.
President’s Day is the day we celebrate presidents from Washington to Clinton to Bush. So we’ve gone from one who couldn’t speak a lie to one who couldn’t speak the truth to one who couldn’t speak!
Actually, one awkward moment today in Washington. During the 21 gun salute, Dick Cheney returned fire.
In a newly released tape, Osama bin Laden says he won’t be captured alive and he’s not afraid of President Bush. He’s terrified of Dick Cheney he’s just not afraid of bush.
Harry Whittington, the man he shot, has been released from the hospital. He is 78 years old. He looked good for a man who was 78. I haven’t seen a 78-year-old look that good in front of a microphone since Mick Jagger at the Super Bowl.
I finally saw "Crash” last night. Not the movie - the ice dancing competition.
Did you see that stare that Italian ice-dancer gave her partner after they fell? I haven’t seen that icy a stare since Bill and Hillary.
NBC now has 418 hours of Olympic viewing. I think this is day 112 of Olympics…you know what NBC normally calls 418 hours of programming? "Law and Order”.
Letterman
I had a good weekend. Mom watched the Daytona 500. I watched ice dancing.
Dick Cheney is on vacation in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. So far he’s shot two skiers.
Osama bin Laden has a new tape out. This one is scary. In it he announces his Oscar picks.
Osama says we will never get him alive. That’s probably true. He’ll die of old age is more like it.
