Tuesday, February 7, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Congratulations to the world champion Pittsburgh, Steelers. Actually, I had the Steelers. I always go with the coach who has the biggest chin.
A lot of interesting records were set yesterday. Between the coffee drinking Seahawks and the beer drinking Steelers fans this Super Bowl set the record for the longest bathroom lines ever.
Seattle fans were furious at some of the referees’ calls — at one point an angry mob went outside in downtown Seattle and started tossing ice lattes on Volvos. They were throwing their Birkenstocks.
Big night for the Rolling Stones. First the halftime then bedtime.
I don’t want to say the stones are getting old. But this is not the first time the Rolling Stones performed at an event where roman numerals were used.
Did you enjoy the commercials? How about the ones from the Beer Institute telling people to drink beer. How big of a waste of money is that? Two and a half million dollars to tell guys watching the super bowl to drink beer? And don’t forget to urinate too.
How about that new Gillette Fusion razor? Did you see that thing with five blades? Even comes with its first aid kit.
The first four blades cut your beard. The fifth yells at your wife to stop using it on her legs. That's a weed whacker for your face. Even lawnmowers only have one blade.
What’s that new energy drink Full Throttle? The slogan "Let your man out.” Wasn’t that the slogan from "Brokeback Mountain”?
President Bush called the winner of the Super Bowl. President Clinton called the winner of the Lingerie Bowl.
Some sad news - Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow have split up. Apparently she met some guy with a car. You know how girls are.
And in Washington news the Pentagon announced plans to build a new long range weapons as a deterrent to China. Unfortunately, we don't have any factories in left in this country so the weapons will be built in China.
Robert Blake has filed for bankruptcy. Blake said if he had to do it all over again this time he would have shot his accountant.
Leno
Congratulations to the world champion Pittsburgh, Steelers. Actually, I had the Steelers. I always go with the coach who has the biggest chin.
A lot of interesting records were set yesterday. Between the coffee drinking Seahawks and the beer drinking Steelers fans this Super Bowl set the record for the longest bathroom lines ever.
Seattle fans were furious at some of the referees’ calls — at one point an angry mob went outside in downtown Seattle and started tossing ice lattes on Volvos. They were throwing their Birkenstocks.
Big night for the Rolling Stones. First the halftime then bedtime.
I don’t want to say the stones are getting old. But this is not the first time the Rolling Stones performed at an event where roman numerals were used.
Did you enjoy the commercials? How about the ones from the Beer Institute telling people to drink beer. How big of a waste of money is that? Two and a half million dollars to tell guys watching the super bowl to drink beer? And don’t forget to urinate too.
How about that new Gillette Fusion razor? Did you see that thing with five blades? Even comes with its first aid kit.
The first four blades cut your beard. The fifth yells at your wife to stop using it on her legs. That's a weed whacker for your face. Even lawnmowers only have one blade.
What’s that new energy drink Full Throttle? The slogan "Let your man out.” Wasn’t that the slogan from "Brokeback Mountain”?
President Bush called the winner of the Super Bowl. President Clinton called the winner of the Lingerie Bowl.
Some sad news - Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow have split up. Apparently she met some guy with a car. You know how girls are.
And in Washington news the Pentagon announced plans to build a new long range weapons as a deterrent to China. Unfortunately, we don't have any factories in left in this country so the weapons will be built in China.
Robert Blake has filed for bankruptcy. Blake said if he had to do it all over again this time he would have shot his accountant.
