Saturday, February 11, 2006
Late Night Jokes
Leno
Did you watch the Grammy’s last night? With performances by Madonna, Sly Stone, and Steven Tyler, it was more like the Grannys.
"American Idol” actually did better in the ratings than the Grammy’s. So people would rather see regular people do a bad job of singing than famous people do a good job of lip syncing.
Less than twenty-four hours until the Winter Olympics. These are the greatest athletes on ice…not counting Ted Williams.
They added a new event this year called the Danish freestyle — five cartoonists skate as fast as they can away from an angry mob.
President Bush is taking this very seriously. In fact he’s asking that all cartoon figures not travel to the Middle East right now. It’s not safe.
President Bush today detailed a foiled terrorist plot by al Qaeda in 2002. They were planning to fly a plane into the tallest structure in L.A. The plot was foiled when Shaquille O’Neal was traded to Miami.
Hillary Clinton blasted President Bush for not catching Osma bin Laden. Is she in a position to criticize? Not catch bin Laden. She couldn’t even catch Bill Clinton. And they were in the same room.
Wal-Mart announced plans to open 1500 more stores in the U.S. You know what you call 1500 more Wal-Marts in the United States? Mexico.
Oprah has now signed a three-year, $55 million deal with XM Satellite Radio. Oprah is going to be on satellite, finally now she’ll be free of the FCC, she’ll be able to swear and be as raunchy as she wants.
Letterman
The Grammy’s were tonight. With all the stars and talent they were still able to pull off a dull show.
Overall the Grammy’s were a success. Phil Spector didn’t shoot anyone.
The Grammy’s were televised all across Europe. They did this to try and calm cartoon rioting.
The Senate was evacuated today after a suspicious substance was found in a senate office. Turned out it was just Ted Kennedy’s margarita salt.
Conan
Michael Jackson is back in the news. Apparently Michael is so broke he now has to fly commercial, no longer flies on private planes. This finally answers the question – what’s worse than being seated next to some fat guy?
Leno
Did you watch the Grammy’s last night? With performances by Madonna, Sly Stone, and Steven Tyler, it was more like the Grannys.
"American Idol” actually did better in the ratings than the Grammy’s. So people would rather see regular people do a bad job of singing than famous people do a good job of lip syncing.
Less than twenty-four hours until the Winter Olympics. These are the greatest athletes on ice…not counting Ted Williams.
They added a new event this year called the Danish freestyle — five cartoonists skate as fast as they can away from an angry mob.
President Bush is taking this very seriously. In fact he’s asking that all cartoon figures not travel to the Middle East right now. It’s not safe.
President Bush today detailed a foiled terrorist plot by al Qaeda in 2002. They were planning to fly a plane into the tallest structure in L.A. The plot was foiled when Shaquille O’Neal was traded to Miami.
Hillary Clinton blasted President Bush for not catching Osma bin Laden. Is she in a position to criticize? Not catch bin Laden. She couldn’t even catch Bill Clinton. And they were in the same room.
Wal-Mart announced plans to open 1500 more stores in the U.S. You know what you call 1500 more Wal-Marts in the United States? Mexico.
Oprah has now signed a three-year, $55 million deal with XM Satellite Radio. Oprah is going to be on satellite, finally now she’ll be free of the FCC, she’ll be able to swear and be as raunchy as she wants.
Letterman
The Grammy’s were tonight. With all the stars and talent they were still able to pull off a dull show.
Overall the Grammy’s were a success. Phil Spector didn’t shoot anyone.
The Grammy’s were televised all across Europe. They did this to try and calm cartoon rioting.
The Senate was evacuated today after a suspicious substance was found in a senate office. Turned out it was just Ted Kennedy’s margarita salt.
Conan
Michael Jackson is back in the news. Apparently Michael is so broke he now has to fly commercial, no longer flies on private planes. This finally answers the question – what’s worse than being seated next to some fat guy?
