Saturday, January 14, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
I did something so stupid this week. I feel like such an idiot. This is the last time I lend my Harley to Arnold Schwarzenegger…he didn’t have a license.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is back at work after a motorcycle accident. He had to have 15 stitches in his left upper lift. The whole left side of his mouth was numb. Which is tough for a politician, to only being able to speak out of one side on your mouth.
The Hamas terror organization has announced it now has its own TV station. Great, now NBC will be the fifth rated network.
Senator Ted Kennedy announced that he and his dog Splash are writing a children’s book. Is Splash the best name for Ted Kennedy’s dog? Isn’t that a bit like Jack Abramoff naming his dog Bribe?
It was this week 1861 that Florida seceded from the union. They actually seceded in 1859. But it wasn’t until 1861 that all the votes were tabulated.
Last night they had the Peoples Choice Awards. Thanks to President Bush this is the first year the Iraqi people could vote in the People’s Choice Awards.
"Brokeback Mountain” leads the SAG Awards with four nominations. The biggest one, the best male performance by a male lead in another male lead.
Letterman
Angelina Jolie is pregnant. Angelina and Brad Pitt are going to have a baby. Will this is nice, finally this couple is going to get some attention.
Have you folks been watching the Alito Supreme Court Hearings? The Democrats are accusing Alito of giving vague answers. He shot back by saying, "Maybe, maybe not.”
According to the AMA 15% of Americans are drunk on the job. In fact the writer of this joke was too drunk to come up with a punch line.
15 percent of Americans are drunk while on the job. Hmmm, I wonder if that’s how we go into Iraq?
Conan
This week New Jersey voted to temporarily disband the death penalty. Lawmakers say this will send a clear message to criminals that if they can’t leave New Jersey, neither can they either.
Leno
I did something so stupid this week. I feel like such an idiot. This is the last time I lend my Harley to Arnold Schwarzenegger…he didn’t have a license.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is back at work after a motorcycle accident. He had to have 15 stitches in his left upper lift. The whole left side of his mouth was numb. Which is tough for a politician, to only being able to speak out of one side on your mouth.
The Hamas terror organization has announced it now has its own TV station. Great, now NBC will be the fifth rated network.
Senator Ted Kennedy announced that he and his dog Splash are writing a children’s book. Is Splash the best name for Ted Kennedy’s dog? Isn’t that a bit like Jack Abramoff naming his dog Bribe?
It was this week 1861 that Florida seceded from the union. They actually seceded in 1859. But it wasn’t until 1861 that all the votes were tabulated.
Last night they had the Peoples Choice Awards. Thanks to President Bush this is the first year the Iraqi people could vote in the People’s Choice Awards.
"Brokeback Mountain” leads the SAG Awards with four nominations. The biggest one, the best male performance by a male lead in another male lead.
Letterman
Angelina Jolie is pregnant. Angelina and Brad Pitt are going to have a baby. Will this is nice, finally this couple is going to get some attention.
Have you folks been watching the Alito Supreme Court Hearings? The Democrats are accusing Alito of giving vague answers. He shot back by saying, "Maybe, maybe not.”
According to the AMA 15% of Americans are drunk on the job. In fact the writer of this joke was too drunk to come up with a punch line.
15 percent of Americans are drunk while on the job. Hmmm, I wonder if that’s how we go into Iraq?
Conan
This week New Jersey voted to temporarily disband the death penalty. Lawmakers say this will send a clear message to criminals that if they can’t leave New Jersey, neither can they either.
