Monday, January 16, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Being Friday the 13th...today is a good day to avoid ladders, black cats, and governors on motorcycles.
The Supreme Court confirmation hearings got pretty heated yesterday. Ted Kennedy question Judge Alito’s integrity when Alito was at Princeton. As you may know, Kennedy was kicked out of Harvard for cheating. So when it comes to questionable integrity at college he knows what he is talking about.
A 75 year old man on death row here in California is scheduled to be executed on Tuesday. He is 75 years old. They say this maybe the first time that an inmate’s last meal is also the early bird special.
In Oklahoma City, a Baptist minister, who has spoken out against homosexuality in the past, was arrested for propositioning a male undercover police officer...Baptist church leaders say they still support this minister, unless it turns out he tried to dance with the officer.
The author of the book "Million Little Pieces” was on Larry King last night, defending himself against charges that he exaggerated details of his best-selling memoir. He said, "Only 18 pages of a 430-page book are in question”. It’s 95% accurate. I believe this is known as the "Clinton defense.”
According to new fat acceptance study, Americans are okay with fat people. Unless they are on top during sex.
A new study by the University of Buffalo says that seven percent of workers drink on the job and may be drunk. Well, that would explain NBC’s primetime schedule.
The federal government has begun installing metal polls at the Mexican border. They expect these poles, which are four feet apart, to serve as a barrier for illegal immigrants -unless somehow they manage to walk between them.
Happy Birthday to Rush Limbaugh. He’s 55 years old. You have to give Rush credit. He’s probably the only Republican in the country with a cheap prescription drug plan.
The Fox network announced they are planning a show called "Duets” where they pair a professional singer with a non-singing celebrity. They will do a duet together. Like for example, they will take Ashlee Simpson and pair her up with a professional singer.
Leno
Being Friday the 13th...today is a good day to avoid ladders, black cats, and governors on motorcycles.
The Supreme Court confirmation hearings got pretty heated yesterday. Ted Kennedy question Judge Alito’s integrity when Alito was at Princeton. As you may know, Kennedy was kicked out of Harvard for cheating. So when it comes to questionable integrity at college he knows what he is talking about.
A 75 year old man on death row here in California is scheduled to be executed on Tuesday. He is 75 years old. They say this maybe the first time that an inmate’s last meal is also the early bird special.
In Oklahoma City, a Baptist minister, who has spoken out against homosexuality in the past, was arrested for propositioning a male undercover police officer...Baptist church leaders say they still support this minister, unless it turns out he tried to dance with the officer.
The author of the book "Million Little Pieces” was on Larry King last night, defending himself against charges that he exaggerated details of his best-selling memoir. He said, "Only 18 pages of a 430-page book are in question”. It’s 95% accurate. I believe this is known as the "Clinton defense.”
According to new fat acceptance study, Americans are okay with fat people. Unless they are on top during sex.
A new study by the University of Buffalo says that seven percent of workers drink on the job and may be drunk. Well, that would explain NBC’s primetime schedule.
The federal government has begun installing metal polls at the Mexican border. They expect these poles, which are four feet apart, to serve as a barrier for illegal immigrants -unless somehow they manage to walk between them.
Happy Birthday to Rush Limbaugh. He’s 55 years old. You have to give Rush credit. He’s probably the only Republican in the country with a cheap prescription drug plan.
The Fox network announced they are planning a show called "Duets” where they pair a professional singer with a non-singing celebrity. They will do a duet together. Like for example, they will take Ashlee Simpson and pair her up with a professional singer.
