Saturday, November 26, 2005
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
It’s TGIF. Do you know what that means? Thanksgiving is finished.
Did anyone have one of these turduckens? Do you know about these? It’s a turkey stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a chicken. That pretty much sounds like the bird flu trifecta!
President Bush announced that the White House turkey they had this year was stuffed but not tortured.
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade has a new slogan, "Incoming!”
You probably heard this story, the M&M balloon in the Macy’s parade struck a light post and was punctured, injuring some spectators. That’s when you know you’re in New York, even the balloons are mugging people.
President Bush is on another six-day vacation at his Texas ranch. He wanted to come back today but he couldn’t figure out how to work that door.
Thanksgiving is Bill Clinton's favorite holiday. It's the one time of year he can undo his pants at the dinner table and not get sued.
The former head of FEMA, Michael Brown, has decided to go into business for himself as an emergency management consultant. That's like Robert Blake deciding to become a marriage counselor.
He’s even got a great slogan - when you call Michael Brown, you know it’s a disaster.
Rock star Elton John and his long time companion David Furnish will get married next month in England. Elton said it will be a small low keyed affair. You know Elton, he hates to be showy.
Last night NBC showed back-to-back episodes of Donald Trump’s "The Apprentice”. And really, what’s more fun than firing people on Thanksgiving?
Letterman
You out of dinner with relatives guys will do anything to get!
I want to get through the show real fast because afterwards I’m leaving for my ranch in Crawford.
What I like about Thanksgiving is seeing all the relatives you haven’t seen in a long time, all the family is there you haven’t seen in a while – and opening up old psychological wounds.
Every Thanksgiving this happens with every family, either before or after the dinner. At some point someone turns to mom and says, "How long has dad been drinking like this?”
Did you see the parade? How about that? Once again it was won by a guy from Kenya.
A funny thing happened at our Thanksgiving. Mom lost her cell phone and then later while at dinner the turkey started to vibrate.
Time for one of our holiday classics. Turkey has tryptophan in it which makes you tired, it makes your drowsy, so here’s a tip, this is what mom does. When she’s ready to put the turkey in the oven, she puts the stuffing in, and then adds just a tablespoon of crack.
Leno
It’s TGIF. Do you know what that means? Thanksgiving is finished.
Did anyone have one of these turduckens? Do you know about these? It’s a turkey stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a chicken. That pretty much sounds like the bird flu trifecta!
President Bush announced that the White House turkey they had this year was stuffed but not tortured.
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade has a new slogan, "Incoming!”
You probably heard this story, the M&M balloon in the Macy’s parade struck a light post and was punctured, injuring some spectators. That’s when you know you’re in New York, even the balloons are mugging people.
President Bush is on another six-day vacation at his Texas ranch. He wanted to come back today but he couldn’t figure out how to work that door.
Thanksgiving is Bill Clinton's favorite holiday. It's the one time of year he can undo his pants at the dinner table and not get sued.
The former head of FEMA, Michael Brown, has decided to go into business for himself as an emergency management consultant. That's like Robert Blake deciding to become a marriage counselor.
He’s even got a great slogan - when you call Michael Brown, you know it’s a disaster.
Rock star Elton John and his long time companion David Furnish will get married next month in England. Elton said it will be a small low keyed affair. You know Elton, he hates to be showy.
Last night NBC showed back-to-back episodes of Donald Trump’s "The Apprentice”. And really, what’s more fun than firing people on Thanksgiving?
Letterman
You out of dinner with relatives guys will do anything to get!
I want to get through the show real fast because afterwards I’m leaving for my ranch in Crawford.
What I like about Thanksgiving is seeing all the relatives you haven’t seen in a long time, all the family is there you haven’t seen in a while – and opening up old psychological wounds.
Every Thanksgiving this happens with every family, either before or after the dinner. At some point someone turns to mom and says, "How long has dad been drinking like this?”
Did you see the parade? How about that? Once again it was won by a guy from Kenya.
A funny thing happened at our Thanksgiving. Mom lost her cell phone and then later while at dinner the turkey started to vibrate.
Time for one of our holiday classics. Turkey has tryptophan in it which makes you tired, it makes your drowsy, so here’s a tip, this is what mom does. When she’s ready to put the turkey in the oven, she puts the stuffing in, and then adds just a tablespoon of crack.
