Sunday, October 23, 2005
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
You can really tell the sign’s of fall are everywhere. The air’s a little crisper, the leaves changing, the Raider’s are losing.
There have been horrible rainstorms all around the country...Las Vegas has had a record amount of rainfall in this week. More rain this month than ever before. In fact, it was so bad, Roy got mauled by a sea lion.
According to "U.S. News and World Report”, there are now rumors circulating that because of the CIA spy investigation, Dick Cheney might resign and Condoleezza Rice will be named vice president. Due to the highly-sensitive nature of the situation, they had to explain it to President Bush using puppets.
Saddam Hussein went on trial today. I had no idea he worked in the Bush White House.
Here’s the strange thing about the trial, today, Amber Frey flew to Baghdad to testify. I’m not sure what that means…
The trial has begun. And Saddam’s lawyers say they will accept any judge except Harriet Miers. They don’t feel she is qualified.
Saddam Hussein may have killed over a million people. Of course tobacco companies are not impressed. Amateurs!
Saddam is 68 years-old. In fact, he is the first senior citizen ever charged with murder who didn’t star in "Baretta.”
U.S. forces have captured Osama bin Laden’s barber. I believe his name is Vidal Kaboom and his brother Infidel Sassoon. I believe they worked at a shop called Fanatical Sam’s.
President Bush has declared war on the bird flu. I don’t think he learns from his mistakes, like today he made a speech at a bird sanctuary in front of a big banner that said, "Mission accomplished!”
Letterman
Regis and Donald Trump have a Christmas CD coming out. Regis and Donald together. Here’s what I’m going to do…on Christmas Eve I’m going to start a big roaring fire and throw the CD into it.
Regis and Donald together on CD – or as I like to call it – a Frisbee.
President Bush’s approval rating is now so bad that more people approve of the job I’m doing.
This Harriet Miers, the Supreme Court nominee is refusing to talk about herself. I’m thinking, hell where do you find a woman like that?
Conan
Saddam Hussein’s trial started today. During the proceedings he refused to identify himself. Luckily everyone in the courtroom was able to identify himself because of those 25 years he ran the country.
The trial was televised live and many Iraqis were glued to their TV sets – mainly because years ago Saddam had them glued to their TV sets.
In New Jersey lawmakers are considering a bill that would outlaw smoking while driving. Lawmakers went further to say that if New Jersey drivers want to inhale polluted air they should just roll down the window.
Leno
You can really tell the sign’s of fall are everywhere. The air’s a little crisper, the leaves changing, the Raider’s are losing.
There have been horrible rainstorms all around the country...Las Vegas has had a record amount of rainfall in this week. More rain this month than ever before. In fact, it was so bad, Roy got mauled by a sea lion.
According to "U.S. News and World Report”, there are now rumors circulating that because of the CIA spy investigation, Dick Cheney might resign and Condoleezza Rice will be named vice president. Due to the highly-sensitive nature of the situation, they had to explain it to President Bush using puppets.
Saddam Hussein went on trial today. I had no idea he worked in the Bush White House.
Here’s the strange thing about the trial, today, Amber Frey flew to Baghdad to testify. I’m not sure what that means…
The trial has begun. And Saddam’s lawyers say they will accept any judge except Harriet Miers. They don’t feel she is qualified.
Saddam Hussein may have killed over a million people. Of course tobacco companies are not impressed. Amateurs!
Saddam is 68 years-old. In fact, he is the first senior citizen ever charged with murder who didn’t star in "Baretta.”
U.S. forces have captured Osama bin Laden’s barber. I believe his name is Vidal Kaboom and his brother Infidel Sassoon. I believe they worked at a shop called Fanatical Sam’s.
President Bush has declared war on the bird flu. I don’t think he learns from his mistakes, like today he made a speech at a bird sanctuary in front of a big banner that said, "Mission accomplished!”
Letterman
Regis and Donald Trump have a Christmas CD coming out. Regis and Donald together. Here’s what I’m going to do…on Christmas Eve I’m going to start a big roaring fire and throw the CD into it.
Regis and Donald together on CD – or as I like to call it – a Frisbee.
President Bush’s approval rating is now so bad that more people approve of the job I’m doing.
This Harriet Miers, the Supreme Court nominee is refusing to talk about herself. I’m thinking, hell where do you find a woman like that?
Conan
Saddam Hussein’s trial started today. During the proceedings he refused to identify himself. Luckily everyone in the courtroom was able to identify himself because of those 25 years he ran the country.
The trial was televised live and many Iraqis were glued to their TV sets – mainly because years ago Saddam had them glued to their TV sets.
In New Jersey lawmakers are considering a bill that would outlaw smoking while driving. Lawmakers went further to say that if New Jersey drivers want to inhale polluted air they should just roll down the window.
