Sunday, October 9, 2005
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Huge wildfire broke out last night in Orange County. Twenty-five people were choking…no, I’m sorry, that was the New York Yankees.
Congratulations to the Angels. They beat the Yankees 5–3. The Yankees were so upset that right after the game, a lot of the Yankee pitchers caught the first raft home.
The FBI now says they are considering relaxing their drug policy on new applicants who want to join the FBI. If you’ve smoked marijuana it’s ok. You thought the FBI was losing stuff before! How bad are they gonna be when their high on weed?
So much for the war on drugs. I guess the new slogan is "if you can’t beat, join them!”
The FBI will not hire you if you smoked pot more than 15 times in your life. Not today…but the good news, you can still be president…
Here’s my question, who picked the number 15? After a guy has smoked dope 8, 10, or 13 times it’s pretty obvious that he likes it. Are there a lot of stoners going, "Oh man, this is my 14th joint. No more for me dude. I’m joining the FBI.”
Pat Robertson said that all these earthquakes and hurricanes we’ve been having are indications of the second coming. To which President Bush said, why would Santa Claus be coming around Halloween? It doesn’t make any sense.
Harriet Miers told the "New York Times” that President Bush is the most brilliant man she knows. And Vice President Dick Cheney is the greatest athlete she’s ever met.
Over the weekend Hillary Clinton was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame. However she is still not in Bill Clinton’s Women’s Hall of Fame. In fact, she is not even in the top ten.
Letterman
Bill and Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. Bill showed up at the scene of the celebration with former President Bush.
Bill had a nice candlelight dinner planned out at a seaside hotel. We don’t know where Hillary was though.
The New York Yankees were beaten of the playoffs by the Angels. George Steinbrenner isn’t messing around…today he ordered all his players back on steroids.
Conan
The White House is denying a report by the BBC that says President Bush said that the reason he invaded Iraq was because God told him too. President Bush went on to add, "That’s ridiculous…Batman told me to invade Iraq!”
Leno
Huge wildfire broke out last night in Orange County. Twenty-five people were choking…no, I’m sorry, that was the New York Yankees.
Congratulations to the Angels. They beat the Yankees 5–3. The Yankees were so upset that right after the game, a lot of the Yankee pitchers caught the first raft home.
The FBI now says they are considering relaxing their drug policy on new applicants who want to join the FBI. If you’ve smoked marijuana it’s ok. You thought the FBI was losing stuff before! How bad are they gonna be when their high on weed?
So much for the war on drugs. I guess the new slogan is "if you can’t beat, join them!”
The FBI will not hire you if you smoked pot more than 15 times in your life. Not today…but the good news, you can still be president…
Here’s my question, who picked the number 15? After a guy has smoked dope 8, 10, or 13 times it’s pretty obvious that he likes it. Are there a lot of stoners going, "Oh man, this is my 14th joint. No more for me dude. I’m joining the FBI.”
Pat Robertson said that all these earthquakes and hurricanes we’ve been having are indications of the second coming. To which President Bush said, why would Santa Claus be coming around Halloween? It doesn’t make any sense.
Harriet Miers told the "New York Times” that President Bush is the most brilliant man she knows. And Vice President Dick Cheney is the greatest athlete she’s ever met.
Over the weekend Hillary Clinton was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame. However she is still not in Bill Clinton’s Women’s Hall of Fame. In fact, she is not even in the top ten.
Letterman
Bill and Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. Bill showed up at the scene of the celebration with former President Bush.
Bill had a nice candlelight dinner planned out at a seaside hotel. We don’t know where Hillary was though.
The New York Yankees were beaten of the playoffs by the Angels. George Steinbrenner isn’t messing around…today he ordered all his players back on steroids.
Conan
The White House is denying a report by the BBC that says President Bush said that the reason he invaded Iraq was because God told him too. President Bush went on to add, "That’s ridiculous…Batman told me to invade Iraq!”
