Saturday, October 8, 2005
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Happy Columbus Day everybody. The holiday named for the man who discovered the America. Although President Bush said that Columbus didn’t occupy the country, so much as liberate the Indians.
Columbus did not set out to discover America. He was looking for a quicker route to India. Do you know why he was trying to get to India? He was trying to get the King of Spain’s computer fixed.
Most medical historians now believe that it is Christopher Columbus who brought sexually transmitted diseases to the new world. On the other hand, the Indians gave him tobacco so it’s pretty much a wash.
U.S. relief supplies have started arriving in Pakistan. That’s quick. I didn’t realize that Pakistan was so much closer to the United States than New Orleans.
Over the weekend a huge wildfire jumped across the border from Mexico into California. Here’s the strange part, today it got a job at Wal-Mart.
President Bush's top advisor, Karl Rove will soon be testifying for the fourth time before a grand jury at the federal courthouse in Washington this week. President Bush's Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers is fascinated by all this. She asked Rove, "What goes on in those federal court houses?"
Did you see the Astros-Braves game yesterday? The Astros won in 18 innings. 18 innings. The game was so long, three of the relief pitchers visas expired!
You know why it took so long? Most of the steroids stopped working after the 12th inning. That’s why there weren’t any hits…
Cadillac is now offering satellite TV in the new Escalade SUV. I guess they figure you can’t afford to drive it anymore might as well make it a rec. room.
Letterman
Hi, welcome to the show, I am your host Columbus Dave!
All the stores in New York City are offering specials for Columbus Day. Even the hookers over in Time Square are offering anything for only 1492!
This Harriet Miers pick for the Supreme Court is turning out to be the most controversial pick involving the Supreme Court since…George Bush.
Leno
Happy Columbus Day everybody. The holiday named for the man who discovered the America. Although President Bush said that Columbus didn’t occupy the country, so much as liberate the Indians.
Columbus did not set out to discover America. He was looking for a quicker route to India. Do you know why he was trying to get to India? He was trying to get the King of Spain’s computer fixed.
Most medical historians now believe that it is Christopher Columbus who brought sexually transmitted diseases to the new world. On the other hand, the Indians gave him tobacco so it’s pretty much a wash.
U.S. relief supplies have started arriving in Pakistan. That’s quick. I didn’t realize that Pakistan was so much closer to the United States than New Orleans.
Over the weekend a huge wildfire jumped across the border from Mexico into California. Here’s the strange part, today it got a job at Wal-Mart.
President Bush's top advisor, Karl Rove will soon be testifying for the fourth time before a grand jury at the federal courthouse in Washington this week. President Bush's Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers is fascinated by all this. She asked Rove, "What goes on in those federal court houses?"
Did you see the Astros-Braves game yesterday? The Astros won in 18 innings. 18 innings. The game was so long, three of the relief pitchers visas expired!
You know why it took so long? Most of the steroids stopped working after the 12th inning. That’s why there weren’t any hits…
Cadillac is now offering satellite TV in the new Escalade SUV. I guess they figure you can’t afford to drive it anymore might as well make it a rec. room.
Letterman
Hi, welcome to the show, I am your host Columbus Dave!
All the stores in New York City are offering specials for Columbus Day. Even the hookers over in Time Square are offering anything for only 1492!
This Harriet Miers pick for the Supreme Court is turning out to be the most controversial pick involving the Supreme Court since…George Bush.
