Sunday, September 25, 2005
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
You all sound like you landed on Jet Blue Airlines….jet blue airlines has a new slogan – aahhh!!!
The age we live in – Jet Blue has a live TV. Screen in each seat so the 140 passengers were allowed to watch the whole ordeal in each seat on MSNBC on the plane’s screen. Now that’s what you call watching a reality show.
And the executives here are thrilled; 146 people! That’s the highest rating MSNBC has ever had.
You know what really upset the passengers, they flew around for three hours and only got 18 frequent flyer miles.
Prisoners at the Jacksonville, Illinois correctional center have been under lock-down after an assistant warden lost a set of keys that opens all the jail cells. This guy lost the keys for all the cells. Well that Mike Brown from FEMA can’t do anything right.
Martha Stewart’s "Apprentice” show premiered last night. I don’t wanna say it didn’t do well but tonight on his "Apprentice” show Trump fired her.
Letterman
New York City is getting pay toilets. Twenty pay toilets will be placed around the city. Yeah, twenty…that should be enough.
Did you see that Jet Blue flight that had the emergency landing? The passengers on the place actually got to see everything take place on TV. Can you imagine the harrowing experience those people went through? Just like you people here tonight.
Officials say that Iraqi leaders have embezzled over $2 billion from the Pentagon. Halliburton found this out and said, "Hey we were going to embezzle that!”
Donald Trump is planning to build a new building in New Jersey. Gee, I wonder what it will be named?
Conan
A man in France has been arrested after it was discovered he had lived with his dead mother for over five years in order to keep getting her pension checks. In a related story Melissa Rivers was arrested for the same thing.
Leno
You all sound like you landed on Jet Blue Airlines….jet blue airlines has a new slogan – aahhh!!!
The age we live in – Jet Blue has a live TV. Screen in each seat so the 140 passengers were allowed to watch the whole ordeal in each seat on MSNBC on the plane’s screen. Now that’s what you call watching a reality show.
And the executives here are thrilled; 146 people! That’s the highest rating MSNBC has ever had.
You know what really upset the passengers, they flew around for three hours and only got 18 frequent flyer miles.
Prisoners at the Jacksonville, Illinois correctional center have been under lock-down after an assistant warden lost a set of keys that opens all the jail cells. This guy lost the keys for all the cells. Well that Mike Brown from FEMA can’t do anything right.
Martha Stewart’s "Apprentice” show premiered last night. I don’t wanna say it didn’t do well but tonight on his "Apprentice” show Trump fired her.
Letterman
New York City is getting pay toilets. Twenty pay toilets will be placed around the city. Yeah, twenty…that should be enough.
Did you see that Jet Blue flight that had the emergency landing? The passengers on the place actually got to see everything take place on TV. Can you imagine the harrowing experience those people went through? Just like you people here tonight.
Officials say that Iraqi leaders have embezzled over $2 billion from the Pentagon. Halliburton found this out and said, "Hey we were going to embezzle that!”
Donald Trump is planning to build a new building in New Jersey. Gee, I wonder what it will be named?
Conan
A man in France has been arrested after it was discovered he had lived with his dead mother for over five years in order to keep getting her pension checks. In a related story Melissa Rivers was arrested for the same thing.
