Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
It was kind of scary because when the power went out all over the city a lot of people thought it was al Qaeda. Turns out the power line was accidentally cut by a department of water of power employee. Turns out it wasn’t terrorism…just incompetents! I feel so much better now!
Did you hear what rapper Kanye West said about the power outages today? He said, "George Bush doesn’t care about blackouts.”
Well, I guess we found out today what can Brown do for you….he can resign!
The Executive Director of FEMA Mike Brown has resigned. I think they knew he was a little slow. They gave him a year and a half to clean out his desk.
Brown said he was going back to Washington, D.C. to get more hands on disaster experience. In fact, I think he’s running Amtrak for a while.
On the bright side, this does make brown the only person in the Bush administration so far to have an exit strategy.
Vice President Dick Cheney was down in New Orleans over the weekend along with hundreds of doctors, nurses and emergency medical people. Unfortunately, they were all helping Cheney.
John Kerry was in New Orleans. John Kerry wants to help but he can’t connect with the common people. Did you see him surveying the damage? (drop-in video: footage of John Kerry windsurfing)
Letterman
Did you realize we are in the middle of a drought here in New York City? I came into work today and everyone was gathered around a moist towelette talking about their weekend.
We’re in a drought. I think it’s true. Today my cab driver said that even if he took a shower he still would not take one now.
Martha Stewart started her daytime talk show today. Good to see that prison stigma isn’t keeping her down.
She’s the first ex-con to have a TV show since…Regis.
Hurricane Ophelia is gaining strength off the coast of the Carolinas. The Bush administration is preparing to ignore it.
Hurricane Ophelia and the one in New Orleans was Hurricane Katrina. Maybe if we didn’t name these things with cute girl names people would take them more seriously.
Israeli troops pulled out of the West Bank completely. This is the most historic pullout since Hillary opened the bedroom door on Bill.
Leno
It was kind of scary because when the power went out all over the city a lot of people thought it was al Qaeda. Turns out the power line was accidentally cut by a department of water of power employee. Turns out it wasn’t terrorism…just incompetents! I feel so much better now!
Did you hear what rapper Kanye West said about the power outages today? He said, "George Bush doesn’t care about blackouts.”
Well, I guess we found out today what can Brown do for you….he can resign!
The Executive Director of FEMA Mike Brown has resigned. I think they knew he was a little slow. They gave him a year and a half to clean out his desk.
Brown said he was going back to Washington, D.C. to get more hands on disaster experience. In fact, I think he’s running Amtrak for a while.
On the bright side, this does make brown the only person in the Bush administration so far to have an exit strategy.
Vice President Dick Cheney was down in New Orleans over the weekend along with hundreds of doctors, nurses and emergency medical people. Unfortunately, they were all helping Cheney.
John Kerry was in New Orleans. John Kerry wants to help but he can’t connect with the common people. Did you see him surveying the damage? (drop-in video: footage of John Kerry windsurfing)
Letterman
Did you realize we are in the middle of a drought here in New York City? I came into work today and everyone was gathered around a moist towelette talking about their weekend.
We’re in a drought. I think it’s true. Today my cab driver said that even if he took a shower he still would not take one now.
Martha Stewart started her daytime talk show today. Good to see that prison stigma isn’t keeping her down.
She’s the first ex-con to have a TV show since…Regis.
Hurricane Ophelia is gaining strength off the coast of the Carolinas. The Bush administration is preparing to ignore it.
Hurricane Ophelia and the one in New Orleans was Hurricane Katrina. Maybe if we didn’t name these things with cute girl names people would take them more seriously.
Israeli troops pulled out of the West Bank completely. This is the most historic pullout since Hillary opened the bedroom door on Bill.
