Saturday, August 13, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
President Bush signed an energy bill in New Mexico this week. He had a clear message for all Americans. He said the economy is moving...it’s moving to China, Korea, Taiwan… but it’s moving. It’s on the go.
Today after President Bush signed the new transportation bill he said that it's not enough to just pass the law - he said now "people have to show up to do the work." Then he went back to his five-week vacation.
Democrats have been complaining that President Bush has spent more than 21% of his time in office out of the White House. That’s nothing. Since Bush has been president, the Democrats have been out of the White House 1oo% of the time.
Last night was Derek Lowe night at Dodger Stadium. Free admission to any husband that showed up with someone other than their wife.
Did you see this crazy guy who jumped from his seat in the upper deck at Yankee Stadium into a net. Luckily he landed in a net. Turns out it’s the same net that the Yankees use during the off season to catch pitchers off of Cuba
Police in New Castle, Pennsylvania have arrested a woman for prostitution after she charged two elderly men, one 71 years old, and the other one 84, money to have sex with her. Why is it every time Mick Jagger and Keith Richards go on the road they get in trouble?
In an interview on CNN, former President Bill Clinton said that he wants to tackle obesity in young people. Tackling obesity in young people? Isn’t that what got him in trouble in the first place?
Letterman
Did you all see the guy at Yankee Stadium that jumped from the upper deck into the net that catches the foul balls? He jumped like 50 feet. How can anyone get that drunk off $8 beers!
Conan
Yesterday Jennifer Wilbanks, the runaway bride had to cut the lawn of a city building as part of her community service. However, she was using a riding mower and was in Arizona by the evening.
Leno
President Bush signed an energy bill in New Mexico this week. He had a clear message for all Americans. He said the economy is moving...it’s moving to China, Korea, Taiwan… but it’s moving. It’s on the go.
Today after President Bush signed the new transportation bill he said that it's not enough to just pass the law - he said now "people have to show up to do the work." Then he went back to his five-week vacation.
Democrats have been complaining that President Bush has spent more than 21% of his time in office out of the White House. That’s nothing. Since Bush has been president, the Democrats have been out of the White House 1oo% of the time.
Last night was Derek Lowe night at Dodger Stadium. Free admission to any husband that showed up with someone other than their wife.
Did you see this crazy guy who jumped from his seat in the upper deck at Yankee Stadium into a net. Luckily he landed in a net. Turns out it’s the same net that the Yankees use during the off season to catch pitchers off of Cuba
Police in New Castle, Pennsylvania have arrested a woman for prostitution after she charged two elderly men, one 71 years old, and the other one 84, money to have sex with her. Why is it every time Mick Jagger and Keith Richards go on the road they get in trouble?
In an interview on CNN, former President Bill Clinton said that he wants to tackle obesity in young people. Tackling obesity in young people? Isn’t that what got him in trouble in the first place?
Letterman
Did you all see the guy at Yankee Stadium that jumped from the upper deck into the net that catches the foul balls? He jumped like 50 feet. How can anyone get that drunk off $8 beers!
Conan
Yesterday Jennifer Wilbanks, the runaway bride had to cut the lawn of a city building as part of her community service. However, she was using a riding mower and was in Arizona by the evening.
