Saturday, July 2, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Surprises In President Bush's Prime-Time Address
1. Finished up by asking if Kerry still wanted the gig.
2. Midway through, he got engaged to Tom Cruise.
3. Revealed he'll soon be giving uncensored weekly addresses on Sirius satellite radio.
4. Most of speech was devoted to his Fourth of July deviled egg recipe.
5. Spent 15 minutes looking at himself in the monitor.
6. It was basically a 50-minute infomercial for new George Bush Grill.
7. Imploring all Americans to support Joey McIntyre in the next episode of "Dancing with the Stars".
8. Ten minutes of policy, 20 minutes of Karaoke.
9. Kept talking about how Scientology changed his life.
10.Claimed he had plan to win war, then switched on the bat signal.
Letterman
It’s been hot and muggy out. Here’s a little tip I do when it’s like this outside. Right now in my pants I have a box of baking soda.
Good news, the crime rate in New York City is down. All I can say is, thank you Batman!
The crime rate is down and I think it’s true because it’s been weeks since my date at the subway had to say, "Are you just going to sit there and take this?!”
On Sunday in Washington the White House lawn tee ball season got under way. In tee ball there is no pitching – just like the New York Yankees.
Tonight President Bush gave an address on the War in Iraq. To my surprise I found out the war is going quite well.
President Bush talked about the good things going on, the Iraqi elections, Homeland Security, and the capture of Russell Crowe.
The war is dragging on, the economy is down, and gas prices are up – and then President Bush left for his two month vacation.
Starting tomorrow to improve his popularity President Bush is going to jump up and down on Oprah’s couch.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Surprises In President Bush's Prime-Time Address
1. Finished up by asking if Kerry still wanted the gig.
2. Midway through, he got engaged to Tom Cruise.
3. Revealed he'll soon be giving uncensored weekly addresses on Sirius satellite radio.
4. Most of speech was devoted to his Fourth of July deviled egg recipe.
5. Spent 15 minutes looking at himself in the monitor.
6. It was basically a 50-minute infomercial for new George Bush Grill.
7. Imploring all Americans to support Joey McIntyre in the next episode of "Dancing with the Stars".
8. Ten minutes of policy, 20 minutes of Karaoke.
9. Kept talking about how Scientology changed his life.
10.Claimed he had plan to win war, then switched on the bat signal.
Letterman
It’s been hot and muggy out. Here’s a little tip I do when it’s like this outside. Right now in my pants I have a box of baking soda.
Good news, the crime rate in New York City is down. All I can say is, thank you Batman!
The crime rate is down and I think it’s true because it’s been weeks since my date at the subway had to say, "Are you just going to sit there and take this?!”
On Sunday in Washington the White House lawn tee ball season got under way. In tee ball there is no pitching – just like the New York Yankees.
Tonight President Bush gave an address on the War in Iraq. To my surprise I found out the war is going quite well.
President Bush talked about the good things going on, the Iraqi elections, Homeland Security, and the capture of Russell Crowe.
The war is dragging on, the economy is down, and gas prices are up – and then President Bush left for his two month vacation.
Starting tomorrow to improve his popularity President Bush is going to jump up and down on Oprah’s couch.
