Friday, July 29, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
The White House has now changed their slogan from the War on Terror, to the Global Struggle Against Violent Extremism. And that just rolls off the tongue, huh?
Yeah, that’s a good idea, giving President Bush more syllables to pronounce.
The White House today instituted a new "don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. The bad news, it’s for Supreme Court nominees.
There are now rumors that embattled White House aide, Karl Rove, who's made a career out of spreading rumors about his political opponents, has a girlfriend on the side. Gee, let's hope nobody leaks her name. That would be terrible.
A Washington think tank has concluded that the job of finding and removing all illegal immigrants from the United States would cost over 200 billion dollars, and take over five years. That is, unless we hire illegal immigrants to do it, then it would cost us a tenth of the normal price.
Did you see John Kerry in France? He was over there to meet with Lance Armstrong after his victory. Do you know why? John Kerry at one point, John Kerry wanted to be a professional bike rider but they could never find a helmet that would fit his head.
Cadillac announced today that they are coming out with a line of Cadillac bicycles. Now that’s when you know the price of gas is getting too high. When Cadillac starts making bicycles!
Wal-Mart plans to open 90 stores in China, one of will be a superstore called the Great Wal-Mart of China.
I’d like to say hello to O.J. Simpson, who is watching us in Miami on his illegal satellite dish.
Did you hear about this? A federal judge has ordered O.J. Simpson to pay $25,000 in damages for pirating satellite television signals from Direct TV. What’s next? Are we going to get Robert Blake for downloading music?!
O.J. insists he’s innocent and said he will continue to look for the real pirates
Ricky Williams report the dolphins training camp nearly a year after he said he was retiring to smoke marijuana. That’s when you know you smoke a lot of weed okay. When you just show up a year late for the job you just quit.
Sixty-three year old Harrison Ford told the British press he’s going to do his own stunts in "Indiana Jones 4”. I don’t want to say Indiana is getting old, but I understand in this sequel Indiana raids his own tomb.
Leno
The White House has now changed their slogan from the War on Terror, to the Global Struggle Against Violent Extremism. And that just rolls off the tongue, huh?
Yeah, that’s a good idea, giving President Bush more syllables to pronounce.
The White House today instituted a new "don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. The bad news, it’s for Supreme Court nominees.
There are now rumors that embattled White House aide, Karl Rove, who's made a career out of spreading rumors about his political opponents, has a girlfriend on the side. Gee, let's hope nobody leaks her name. That would be terrible.
A Washington think tank has concluded that the job of finding and removing all illegal immigrants from the United States would cost over 200 billion dollars, and take over five years. That is, unless we hire illegal immigrants to do it, then it would cost us a tenth of the normal price.
Did you see John Kerry in France? He was over there to meet with Lance Armstrong after his victory. Do you know why? John Kerry at one point, John Kerry wanted to be a professional bike rider but they could never find a helmet that would fit his head.
Cadillac announced today that they are coming out with a line of Cadillac bicycles. Now that’s when you know the price of gas is getting too high. When Cadillac starts making bicycles!
Wal-Mart plans to open 90 stores in China, one of will be a superstore called the Great Wal-Mart of China.
I’d like to say hello to O.J. Simpson, who is watching us in Miami on his illegal satellite dish.
Did you hear about this? A federal judge has ordered O.J. Simpson to pay $25,000 in damages for pirating satellite television signals from Direct TV. What’s next? Are we going to get Robert Blake for downloading music?!
O.J. insists he’s innocent and said he will continue to look for the real pirates
Ricky Williams report the dolphins training camp nearly a year after he said he was retiring to smoke marijuana. That’s when you know you smoke a lot of weed okay. When you just show up a year late for the job you just quit.
Sixty-three year old Harrison Ford told the British press he’s going to do his own stunts in "Indiana Jones 4”. I don’t want to say Indiana is getting old, but I understand in this sequel Indiana raids his own tomb.
