Friday, July 15, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
The weather here is beautiful, but the mop-up continues after Hurricane Dennis. This is the biggest disaster to hit Florida since Social Security reform.
I was watching hurricane coverage all weekend. They had reports from Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi. Actually, it was the same reporter - he was being blown around from state to state.
It has been a week of disasters – wildfires, hurricanes, the Dodgers.
The big rumor is that Chief Justice William Rehnquist is going to resign from the Supreme Court this week. I’m not going to believe it until it’s leaked to the "New York Times” by Karl Rove.
Chief Justice Rehnquist can’t decide whether to stay on the court or retire. That’s kind of scary, isn’t it? A justice who chief can’t make up his mind.
It was reported that nearly two out of ten men and four out of ten women of recruiting age are too fat for the military. To meet goals, the Army may change its slogans. An Army of one - the size of two
Hillary Clinton also gave a speech in Aspen, Colorado and accused President Bush of damaging the economy by catering to the rich. Why was Hillary in Aspen, Colorado? Because she was catering to the rich.
Condoleezza Rice is on a6 day trip to Japan. I never thought I’d see the day when we’re sending "Rice” to Japan.
A high school in Vail, Colorado has become the 1st paperless wireless and textbook free school in America. Everything in the school is done electronic. Like even when the teachers have sex with the students they do it on the Internet with a webcam.
The 10th annual Redneck Games were held this weekend in East Dublin, Georgia. I think it's sponsored by the "Jerry Springer Show”. The events include bobbing for pigs feet, the hubcap hurl…and my personal favorite, the "name one tattoo on the last relative you slept with”. That’s my favorite.
Sylvester Stallone is going to make "Rocky: 6”...I believe in this one he’s going to fight Angela Lansbury.
Leno
The weather here is beautiful, but the mop-up continues after Hurricane Dennis. This is the biggest disaster to hit Florida since Social Security reform.
I was watching hurricane coverage all weekend. They had reports from Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi. Actually, it was the same reporter - he was being blown around from state to state.
It has been a week of disasters – wildfires, hurricanes, the Dodgers.
The big rumor is that Chief Justice William Rehnquist is going to resign from the Supreme Court this week. I’m not going to believe it until it’s leaked to the "New York Times” by Karl Rove.
Chief Justice Rehnquist can’t decide whether to stay on the court or retire. That’s kind of scary, isn’t it? A justice who chief can’t make up his mind.
It was reported that nearly two out of ten men and four out of ten women of recruiting age are too fat for the military. To meet goals, the Army may change its slogans. An Army of one - the size of two
Hillary Clinton also gave a speech in Aspen, Colorado and accused President Bush of damaging the economy by catering to the rich. Why was Hillary in Aspen, Colorado? Because she was catering to the rich.
Condoleezza Rice is on a6 day trip to Japan. I never thought I’d see the day when we’re sending "Rice” to Japan.
A high school in Vail, Colorado has become the 1st paperless wireless and textbook free school in America. Everything in the school is done electronic. Like even when the teachers have sex with the students they do it on the Internet with a webcam.
The 10th annual Redneck Games were held this weekend in East Dublin, Georgia. I think it's sponsored by the "Jerry Springer Show”. The events include bobbing for pigs feet, the hubcap hurl…and my personal favorite, the "name one tattoo on the last relative you slept with”. That’s my favorite.
Sylvester Stallone is going to make "Rocky: 6”...I believe in this one he’s going to fight Angela Lansbury.
