Saturday, July 16, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
It was hot today! Whew! Like 104 out. The hottest day of the year. It was so hot that Angelina Jolie was adopting an Eskimo baby.
It was so hot in D.C. that Dick Cheney’s pacemaker was replaced with an ice maker.
Karl Rove was under fire once again today. This time for leaking the plot of the new Harry Potter book to President Bush.
The space shuttle launch was cancelled today. That’s when you know the price of gasoline is too high!
Gas is now so expensive that I saw two guys shooting at each other in the carpool lane and they were in the same car!
I also someone being towed. Not because there was a problem with the car but because it was cheaper. The mileage was actually better being towed.
Cell phones are now the number one distraction to California drivers. That’s pretty amazing considering the other distractions – like fake boobs and drive-bys.
The Major League Baseball All Star Game was last night. Several Dodger players were there. They were selling hot dogs, parking cars – but they were there.
In a new survey it was found that roughly 30% of Americans believe in ghosts. It was also found that liberals are more likely to believe in ghosts that conservatives. Which explains why liberals are so against the death penalty. They’re scared they might piss the guy off and he’ll come back.
Leno
It was hot today! Whew! Like 104 out. The hottest day of the year. It was so hot that Angelina Jolie was adopting an Eskimo baby.
It was so hot in D.C. that Dick Cheney’s pacemaker was replaced with an ice maker.
Karl Rove was under fire once again today. This time for leaking the plot of the new Harry Potter book to President Bush.
The space shuttle launch was cancelled today. That’s when you know the price of gasoline is too high!
Gas is now so expensive that I saw two guys shooting at each other in the carpool lane and they were in the same car!
I also someone being towed. Not because there was a problem with the car but because it was cheaper. The mileage was actually better being towed.
Cell phones are now the number one distraction to California drivers. That’s pretty amazing considering the other distractions – like fake boobs and drive-bys.
The Major League Baseball All Star Game was last night. Several Dodger players were there. They were selling hot dogs, parking cars – but they were there.
In a new survey it was found that roughly 30% of Americans believe in ghosts. It was also found that liberals are more likely to believe in ghosts that conservatives. Which explains why liberals are so against the death penalty. They’re scared they might piss the guy off and he’ll come back.
