Monday, July 11, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
How many folks here from out of town? How many just blew in from Florida?
Whew! Did you all see that footage of Hurricane Dennis over the weekend? It hit Florida with winds of over 100 miles an hour. In fact, the wind was so strong, Cubans were arriving in Florida an hour before their inner tube.
In fact, the winds are so strong, some of the balls hit by Tampa Bay Devil Rays players could actually go out of the infield.
I saw pictures from one area in Mississippi - they showed this guy’s front yard: there were some blocks on top of a car.
How ‘bout the price of gas? Oh my God! Oil is now over $62 a barrel. In fact, it is so high, I today I saw the sierra club drilling in Alaska.
President Bush is down to two choices for picking a Supreme Court judge. Yahoo and Goggle.
A judge in Mobile, Alabama has put a 90 year old woman in jail for selling drugs. Here’s my question – where are the parents?
Willie Nelson did an album with reggae musicians. Did you hear about this? How much smoke poured out of that studio? It must have looked like they were electing a new pope.
You all remember Leonard Nimoy from "Star Trek”? A New York City art gallery is exhibiting fine art photographs Leonard Nimoy took of nude over weight women. So far, Bill Clinton has seen the exhibit 82 times.
Happy Birthday to Jessica Simpson who turned 25 years old on Sunday. Jessica threw a surprise party for herself… and it worked. She had no idea!
On Saturday, professional skateboarder Danny way successfully jumped over the Great Wall of China on a skateboard! He cleared the Great Wall of China! In a related story, thousands of skateboard ramps have been set up along the U.S. - Mexican border.
"ESPN” magazine said that Lance Armstrong is considering running for governor of Texas. Well finally Texas would have a governor who knows how to ride a bicycle.
Leno
How many folks here from out of town? How many just blew in from Florida?
Whew! Did you all see that footage of Hurricane Dennis over the weekend? It hit Florida with winds of over 100 miles an hour. In fact, the wind was so strong, Cubans were arriving in Florida an hour before their inner tube.
In fact, the winds are so strong, some of the balls hit by Tampa Bay Devil Rays players could actually go out of the infield.
I saw pictures from one area in Mississippi - they showed this guy’s front yard: there were some blocks on top of a car.
How ‘bout the price of gas? Oh my God! Oil is now over $62 a barrel. In fact, it is so high, I today I saw the sierra club drilling in Alaska.
President Bush is down to two choices for picking a Supreme Court judge. Yahoo and Goggle.
A judge in Mobile, Alabama has put a 90 year old woman in jail for selling drugs. Here’s my question – where are the parents?
Willie Nelson did an album with reggae musicians. Did you hear about this? How much smoke poured out of that studio? It must have looked like they were electing a new pope.
You all remember Leonard Nimoy from "Star Trek”? A New York City art gallery is exhibiting fine art photographs Leonard Nimoy took of nude over weight women. So far, Bill Clinton has seen the exhibit 82 times.
Happy Birthday to Jessica Simpson who turned 25 years old on Sunday. Jessica threw a surprise party for herself… and it worked. She had no idea!
On Saturday, professional skateboarder Danny way successfully jumped over the Great Wall of China on a skateboard! He cleared the Great Wall of China! In a related story, thousands of skateboard ramps have been set up along the U.S. - Mexican border.
"ESPN” magazine said that Lance Armstrong is considering running for governor of Texas. Well finally Texas would have a governor who knows how to ride a bicycle.
