Monday, June 13, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
Still no verdict in the Michael Jackson trial. They say because of cash-flow problems at the Neverland Ranch, feeding time has been reduced from twice a day to just once per day. And that's just for Michael’s brothers.
Supposedly, Michael is 270 million dollars in debt. In fact, the last time Michael Jackson was in the black was, well...when he was black.
A large group of Democrats are going to Europe this week. Not on fact finding trip, they're just distancing themselves from Howard Dean.
A lot of Republicans have now come forward to criticize Howard Dean for his latest comments about the Republican Party. They say if he wants to insult people and make outrageous statements he should do what Republicans do get a talk show on the Fox News Channel.
A London man was hospitalized yesterday after being attacked by a crow. Apparently, the crow threw a phone at him.
In Washington, D.C. this week, passengers were forced off a greyhound bus when it caught fire. No one was injured. Of course greyhound used their usual evacuation procedure...women and drifters first.
What happened was apparently a spark from one passenger's crack pipe ignited another passenger's jar of moonshine, the whole thing totally exploded.
Tomorrow night, Mike Tyson is fighting on pay-per-view. Boy, it's great to see Mike punching people for money again.
Mike got a 60/40 deal for the fight. The IRS gets 60, Don King gets the other 40.
The film "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" opens today. Who’s in that? You haven't heard anything about the movie. It’s about a bored couple who constantly try to kill each other. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"? Sounds more like Mr. and Mrs. Clinton.
Tom Cruise has agreed to star in "Mission Impossible 3". In this one, his impossible mission is explaining the plots of the first two "Mission Impossible" movies.
Leno
Still no verdict in the Michael Jackson trial. They say because of cash-flow problems at the Neverland Ranch, feeding time has been reduced from twice a day to just once per day. And that's just for Michael’s brothers.
Supposedly, Michael is 270 million dollars in debt. In fact, the last time Michael Jackson was in the black was, well...when he was black.
A large group of Democrats are going to Europe this week. Not on fact finding trip, they're just distancing themselves from Howard Dean.
A lot of Republicans have now come forward to criticize Howard Dean for his latest comments about the Republican Party. They say if he wants to insult people and make outrageous statements he should do what Republicans do get a talk show on the Fox News Channel.
A London man was hospitalized yesterday after being attacked by a crow. Apparently, the crow threw a phone at him.
In Washington, D.C. this week, passengers were forced off a greyhound bus when it caught fire. No one was injured. Of course greyhound used their usual evacuation procedure...women and drifters first.
What happened was apparently a spark from one passenger's crack pipe ignited another passenger's jar of moonshine, the whole thing totally exploded.
Tomorrow night, Mike Tyson is fighting on pay-per-view. Boy, it's great to see Mike punching people for money again.
Mike got a 60/40 deal for the fight. The IRS gets 60, Don King gets the other 40.
The film "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" opens today. Who’s in that? You haven't heard anything about the movie. It’s about a bored couple who constantly try to kill each other. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"? Sounds more like Mr. and Mrs. Clinton.
Tom Cruise has agreed to star in "Mission Impossible 3". In this one, his impossible mission is explaining the plots of the first two "Mission Impossible" movies.
