Friday, May 27, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
(Talking about testifying in the Michael Jackson trial) You know the worst part about testifying? I had to follow the chimp. Uh, you should have seen that witness chair, it was disgusting.
Actually there was one king of embarrassing moment when they asked me to point out the defendant and I pointed to Latoya.
And now there’s talk of Michael Jackson leaving the country as soon as the trial is over. One report says he wants to go to Africa and ‘disappear’. Maybe he’d have a better chance doing that somewhere else. Like Sweden.
The pilot who was in charge of that small plane that flew over Washington, D.C. last week and caused a big panic, well the FAA revoked his license. But the good news, he found a new job as an Amtrak engineer.
Nobody is still sure who took those photos of Saddam Hussein in his underwear. All we know is that photos were taken in an "undisclosed location”. You know what this means? Maybe Dick Cheney probably took them.
Here’s something amazing – I read today that "Star Wars” made $58 million in one day. Which broke a record previously set by Tom Delay.
The film "Alexander” is being released on DVD. They say it will include a lot of never before seen footage. Ya know, like the MOVIE!
Any Chicago Cubs fans here? Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has been told to cut back on his computer time because it was contributing to his elbow problems. Let me tell you something, if your elbow is injured from too much time on the computer, it’s time to get a real live girlfriend.
Leno
(Talking about testifying in the Michael Jackson trial) You know the worst part about testifying? I had to follow the chimp. Uh, you should have seen that witness chair, it was disgusting.
Actually there was one king of embarrassing moment when they asked me to point out the defendant and I pointed to Latoya.
And now there’s talk of Michael Jackson leaving the country as soon as the trial is over. One report says he wants to go to Africa and ‘disappear’. Maybe he’d have a better chance doing that somewhere else. Like Sweden.
The pilot who was in charge of that small plane that flew over Washington, D.C. last week and caused a big panic, well the FAA revoked his license. But the good news, he found a new job as an Amtrak engineer.
Nobody is still sure who took those photos of Saddam Hussein in his underwear. All we know is that photos were taken in an "undisclosed location”. You know what this means? Maybe Dick Cheney probably took them.
Here’s something amazing – I read today that "Star Wars” made $58 million in one day. Which broke a record previously set by Tom Delay.
The film "Alexander” is being released on DVD. They say it will include a lot of never before seen footage. Ya know, like the MOVIE!
Any Chicago Cubs fans here? Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has been told to cut back on his computer time because it was contributing to his elbow problems. Let me tell you something, if your elbow is injured from too much time on the computer, it’s time to get a real live girlfriend.
