Saturday, May 14, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
Quite a scare today – I’m sure you heard about this, the white house and the capitol building were evacuated today when a small plane flew into restricted airspace. You hear about this? It actually got within three miles of the white house. Three miles! That’s closer than John Kerry got.
Did you see people rushing out of the Capitol? That’s the fastest congress has moved that didn’t involve giving themselves a pay raise.
They say there hasn’t been this kind on panic and evacuation in the White House since the night in ‘98 when Hillary came home early.
In Michigan, a company has developed a body armor that they say can withstand a rocket propelled grenade. They say it’s perfect for soldiers in Baghdad or drivers in Los Angeles.
Michael Jackson’s defense lawyers plan to put three more men on the stand who say that as boys they slept in the same bed as Michael and nothing happened. The boys names are Tito, Jermaine and Jackie.
According to a study, they found common words used by happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they also found common words used by other people to describe happy people. Annoying, irritating, obnoxious…
In an interview in "USA Today”, Shaquille O’Neal says he prefers living in Miami because Los Angeles is really fake. I don’t know, is Miami any less fake than Los Angeles? I mean here the boobs are fake, there it’s the artificial hips.
Letterman
Do you watch "CSI: New York”? How about the regular "CSI”? Or "CSI: Miami”? Who watches "CSI: Phoenix?” or "CSI: Spokane”? Tonight on "CSI: New York” it takes place at Yankee Stadium and they find a dead Red Sox fan. It’s a big mystery. They find traces of gun powder, they find hair – and that’s just in the hot dogs.
The Rolling Stones are back out on tour this summer. They are part of the "Living Will-Palooza” tour.
Today in Washington the White House and Capitol had to be evacuated when a small plane entered restricted airspace. Turns out it was just a lobbyist to airlift bribe money for Tom Delay.
The evacuation caused 15 minutes of interruption to congress not getting anything done.
Leno
Quite a scare today – I’m sure you heard about this, the white house and the capitol building were evacuated today when a small plane flew into restricted airspace. You hear about this? It actually got within three miles of the white house. Three miles! That’s closer than John Kerry got.
Did you see people rushing out of the Capitol? That’s the fastest congress has moved that didn’t involve giving themselves a pay raise.
They say there hasn’t been this kind on panic and evacuation in the White House since the night in ‘98 when Hillary came home early.
In Michigan, a company has developed a body armor that they say can withstand a rocket propelled grenade. They say it’s perfect for soldiers in Baghdad or drivers in Los Angeles.
Michael Jackson’s defense lawyers plan to put three more men on the stand who say that as boys they slept in the same bed as Michael and nothing happened. The boys names are Tito, Jermaine and Jackie.
According to a study, they found common words used by happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they also found common words used by other people to describe happy people. Annoying, irritating, obnoxious…
In an interview in "USA Today”, Shaquille O’Neal says he prefers living in Miami because Los Angeles is really fake. I don’t know, is Miami any less fake than Los Angeles? I mean here the boobs are fake, there it’s the artificial hips.
Letterman
Do you watch "CSI: New York”? How about the regular "CSI”? Or "CSI: Miami”? Who watches "CSI: Phoenix?” or "CSI: Spokane”? Tonight on "CSI: New York” it takes place at Yankee Stadium and they find a dead Red Sox fan. It’s a big mystery. They find traces of gun powder, they find hair – and that’s just in the hot dogs.
The Rolling Stones are back out on tour this summer. They are part of the "Living Will-Palooza” tour.
Today in Washington the White House and Capitol had to be evacuated when a small plane entered restricted airspace. Turns out it was just a lobbyist to airlift bribe money for Tom Delay.
The evacuation caused 15 minutes of interruption to congress not getting anything done.
