Sunday, May 22, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
The new "Star Wars” movie opened last night, "Revenge of The Sith”. You should’ve seen the crowd, they haven’t been this exited about a premier since Windows ’98.
The Air Force announced this week that it must secure outer space to protect the nation from attacks so they wants president bush's approval of star wars space weapons. In fact, right after they made that announcement, Dick Cheney whispered in the president’s ear, "I am your father”.
President Bush said we should also be on the lookout for more alternative fuels. President Bush is really getting on this alternative energy bandwagon. Did you hear his plan for solar energy? He wants to send troops to the sun. Secure that area.
In the Michael Jackson trial - a former Jackson security guard testified that the accuser and his brother would get drunk in the wine cellar when Michael wasn’t around. But in their defense if you knew you had to sleep in Jackson’s bed later that night you’d have to get drunk first too.
The NBA has announced that a new plan to crackdown on performance-enhancing drugs. They’re cracking down on steroid use in the NBA. Oh great, now there’s no hope for the white guys.
Martha Stewart will be doing "The Apprentice” show on NBC’s fall schedule. Nice to see someone doing prison time able to appear on a show other than "American Idol” once in a while.
In TV news - CBS has cancelled "60 Minutes II” which means Dan Rather is losing another job. I think they have an opening over at "Newsweek” so he might go there.
Leno
The new "Star Wars” movie opened last night, "Revenge of The Sith”. You should’ve seen the crowd, they haven’t been this exited about a premier since Windows ’98.
The Air Force announced this week that it must secure outer space to protect the nation from attacks so they wants president bush's approval of star wars space weapons. In fact, right after they made that announcement, Dick Cheney whispered in the president’s ear, "I am your father”.
President Bush said we should also be on the lookout for more alternative fuels. President Bush is really getting on this alternative energy bandwagon. Did you hear his plan for solar energy? He wants to send troops to the sun. Secure that area.
In the Michael Jackson trial - a former Jackson security guard testified that the accuser and his brother would get drunk in the wine cellar when Michael wasn’t around. But in their defense if you knew you had to sleep in Jackson’s bed later that night you’d have to get drunk first too.
The NBA has announced that a new plan to crackdown on performance-enhancing drugs. They’re cracking down on steroid use in the NBA. Oh great, now there’s no hope for the white guys.
Martha Stewart will be doing "The Apprentice” show on NBC’s fall schedule. Nice to see someone doing prison time able to appear on a show other than "American Idol” once in a while.
In TV news - CBS has cancelled "60 Minutes II” which means Dan Rather is losing another job. I think they have an opening over at "Newsweek” so he might go there.
