Wednesday, May 4, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
Man it was chilly here in Los Angeles. I tell you my feet were colder than a Georgia bride heading for New Mexico.
That’s the big story – the bride that everyone thought had been kidnapped just got cold feet and took off. Her feet were so cold, Ted Williams was hitting on here.
Today the fiancé said he still wants to get married! Somebody needs to tell this guy there are plenty of other crazy women out there.
I guess Laura Bush was a big hit with her comedy routine at the big Washington correspondents dinner the other night. This is something new for the Bush family - intentional comedy.
Laura Bush described herself as a "desperate housewife whose husband goes to bed too early”. To which Hilary replied, "That must be nice.”
The president knew in advance she was going to speak, but he never saw the material. Basically, same way he handles his intelligence briefing.
President Bush said today that the social security is going bankrupt. The good news is that won’t happen for at least 50 years and by then you won’t have to worry about social security because the temperature will be 158 degrees!
Speaking of that – NASA just released their new report on global warming or as President Bush calls it "spring”!
Warren Buffet and Bill Gates announced that as of this weekend, they are now working together. How expensive is gas when these two have to start carpooling, huh?
The blue and white dress worn by Judy Garland in "The Wizard of Oz” sold at a London auction for $252,000. I believe the buyer will be wearing it when he marries Elton John next month.
Letterman
I am feeling great! Over the weekend the authorities picked up my fiancé in Albuquerque.
It’s graduation time in New York City. New York City is full of honor students. "Yes your honor.” "No your honor.” "Not guilty your honor.”
Leno
Man it was chilly here in Los Angeles. I tell you my feet were colder than a Georgia bride heading for New Mexico.
That’s the big story – the bride that everyone thought had been kidnapped just got cold feet and took off. Her feet were so cold, Ted Williams was hitting on here.
Today the fiancé said he still wants to get married! Somebody needs to tell this guy there are plenty of other crazy women out there.
I guess Laura Bush was a big hit with her comedy routine at the big Washington correspondents dinner the other night. This is something new for the Bush family - intentional comedy.
Laura Bush described herself as a "desperate housewife whose husband goes to bed too early”. To which Hilary replied, "That must be nice.”
The president knew in advance she was going to speak, but he never saw the material. Basically, same way he handles his intelligence briefing.
President Bush said today that the social security is going bankrupt. The good news is that won’t happen for at least 50 years and by then you won’t have to worry about social security because the temperature will be 158 degrees!
Speaking of that – NASA just released their new report on global warming or as President Bush calls it "spring”!
Warren Buffet and Bill Gates announced that as of this weekend, they are now working together. How expensive is gas when these two have to start carpooling, huh?
The blue and white dress worn by Judy Garland in "The Wizard of Oz” sold at a London auction for $252,000. I believe the buyer will be wearing it when he marries Elton John next month.
Letterman
I am feeling great! Over the weekend the authorities picked up my fiancé in Albuquerque.
It’s graduation time in New York City. New York City is full of honor students. "Yes your honor.” "No your honor.” "Not guilty your honor.”
