Sunday, May 29, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
As you know, last night Carrie Underwood beat out Bo Bice to become the new "American Idol”. She won a recording contract and the keys to a private jet. Bo came in second, he got the keys to Paula Abdul’s house.
Yesterday in Washington, President Bush paid a visit to a hydrogen fueling station. He said hydrogen will provide the power for our automobiles in the future. I’m not sure President Bush really understands hydrogen. Like he kept taking a hit off the pump to see if it would make him talk funny.
Today President Bush met with Palestinian President Abbas. There was one embarrassing moment when he said to Abbas "I loved your song Dancing Queen.”
A new study shows that the child population in San Francisco is dwindling and in fact San Francisco has the smallest share of children of any major city in the United States. That’s odd, huh? For some reason couples in San Francisco don’t seem to be reproducing as much as couples in other cities. Gee, I wonder what the problem is there? You think it might be something in the Rice-a-roni?
As you may know, I testified in the Michael Jackson trial this week. You know, I was sitting on the witness stand, Michael wouldn’t even look at me. Then I realized, of course I’m over 12. Nothing personal…
It’s Thursday, May 26. Or as "Star Wars” fans call it, May twenty-Sith.
Jennifer Wilbanks, you know the runaway bride, has been charged by police in Georgia with making false statements and filing a false police report. The judge will set a date for her to appear in court. A date for her to appear in court! Here we go again ladies and gentlemen!
Leno
As you know, last night Carrie Underwood beat out Bo Bice to become the new "American Idol”. She won a recording contract and the keys to a private jet. Bo came in second, he got the keys to Paula Abdul’s house.
Yesterday in Washington, President Bush paid a visit to a hydrogen fueling station. He said hydrogen will provide the power for our automobiles in the future. I’m not sure President Bush really understands hydrogen. Like he kept taking a hit off the pump to see if it would make him talk funny.
Today President Bush met with Palestinian President Abbas. There was one embarrassing moment when he said to Abbas "I loved your song Dancing Queen.”
A new study shows that the child population in San Francisco is dwindling and in fact San Francisco has the smallest share of children of any major city in the United States. That’s odd, huh? For some reason couples in San Francisco don’t seem to be reproducing as much as couples in other cities. Gee, I wonder what the problem is there? You think it might be something in the Rice-a-roni?
As you may know, I testified in the Michael Jackson trial this week. You know, I was sitting on the witness stand, Michael wouldn’t even look at me. Then I realized, of course I’m over 12. Nothing personal…
It’s Thursday, May 26. Or as "Star Wars” fans call it, May twenty-Sith.
Jennifer Wilbanks, you know the runaway bride, has been charged by police in Georgia with making false statements and filing a false police report. The judge will set a date for her to appear in court. A date for her to appear in court! Here we go again ladies and gentlemen!
