Thursday, April 21, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
We have a new pope! Cardinal Ratzinger of Germany is now the most powerful Catholic in the world. Well, second most powerful if you count Mel Gibson.
When I heard the new Pope is German, I thought - "My God! Arnold Schwarzenegger can’t be stopped! First Governor, now Pope!”
The cardinals say they have to be very careful in the process of electing a pope because this person will be interpreting God's law for them - you know, kind of they way Republican leaders do for us in this country.
Well now the pope’s election is over, at least we won’t have to put up with any more of those negative cardinal campaign commercials. Those were awful. All the papal swift boat ads.
According to a new poll, 7 out of 10 Americans say the tax code is too complicated. Well duh, that’s why they call it a code. They don’t want you to understand it. That’s the whole idea.
There’s talk that Steinbrenner may be looking for a new manager. And there may be something to that - today, he was spotted putting up a stove pipe chimney on the roof of Yankee Stadium.
Letterman
Good news for out-of-towners. Crime in New York City is at an all time low. The bad news is that it’s our leading industry.
This is interesting. The U.S. Government has convicted Osama bin Laden’s spiritual advisor. I believe his name is Sheik Phil.
Next we’re going after Osama’s yoga instructor.
Leno
We have a new pope! Cardinal Ratzinger of Germany is now the most powerful Catholic in the world. Well, second most powerful if you count Mel Gibson.
When I heard the new Pope is German, I thought - "My God! Arnold Schwarzenegger can’t be stopped! First Governor, now Pope!”
The cardinals say they have to be very careful in the process of electing a pope because this person will be interpreting God's law for them - you know, kind of they way Republican leaders do for us in this country.
Well now the pope’s election is over, at least we won’t have to put up with any more of those negative cardinal campaign commercials. Those were awful. All the papal swift boat ads.
According to a new poll, 7 out of 10 Americans say the tax code is too complicated. Well duh, that’s why they call it a code. They don’t want you to understand it. That’s the whole idea.
There’s talk that Steinbrenner may be looking for a new manager. And there may be something to that - today, he was spotted putting up a stove pipe chimney on the roof of Yankee Stadium.
Letterman
Good news for out-of-towners. Crime in New York City is at an all time low. The bad news is that it’s our leading industry.
This is interesting. The U.S. Government has convicted Osama bin Laden’s spiritual advisor. I believe his name is Sheik Phil.
Next we’re going after Osama’s yoga instructor.
