Friday, April 22, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
This morning on the United States Senate floor this morning John Kerry blasted the administration for high gas prices. He said gas is so expensive, he may have to marry Bill Gates.
This new Pope of course is German. When President Bush heard that he said, "Only in America”.
Did you see that huge crowd they had in Saint Peter’s Square? They were holding up all kinds of handmade signs. Here’s my question; where was that ‘John 3:16’ guy? You know what guy, he wears that wig, he shows up at every sporting event, football baseball and he holds up that big sign "John 3:16”. Finally the most religious event of the decade comes along there’s a huge crowd and nobody can find the guy.
The new Pope has pledged to take care of the poor and those without hope. Like anyone with money in the stock market.
I’m sure you know by now how they picked the pope. if you see black smoke, they haven’t reached a vote; if you see white smoke, they have reached a vote; and if you should see black smoke disguised as white smoke, that means they voted michael jackson guilty.
Iran announced today they have stopped broadcasting the al Jazeera network in that country. They’re also thinking of dropping WB. I guess "Reba” is not a big hit over there.
Electronics experts say that by 2009 people will be able to watch tv programs on their cell phones. So we are now exactly 4 years away from the largest car accident is history.
Business news – U.S. Airways and America West are in talks to merge….to form one really crappy airline.
Letterman
It’s been cold here in New York City. It was so cold today Bill was happy to get the third degree from Hillary.
President Bush is on an important trip to Europe. Today he met with Russian President Vladimir Putin, he was forceful saying that he wants to see signs of democracy flourishing in Russia. And Putin wanted Bush to show him his yo-yo tricks.
President Bush says that an attack on Iran is ridiculous. You know what that means – we’re going to attack Iran.
Leno
This morning on the United States Senate floor this morning John Kerry blasted the administration for high gas prices. He said gas is so expensive, he may have to marry Bill Gates.
This new Pope of course is German. When President Bush heard that he said, "Only in America”.
Did you see that huge crowd they had in Saint Peter’s Square? They were holding up all kinds of handmade signs. Here’s my question; where was that ‘John 3:16’ guy? You know what guy, he wears that wig, he shows up at every sporting event, football baseball and he holds up that big sign "John 3:16”. Finally the most religious event of the decade comes along there’s a huge crowd and nobody can find the guy.
The new Pope has pledged to take care of the poor and those without hope. Like anyone with money in the stock market.
I’m sure you know by now how they picked the pope. if you see black smoke, they haven’t reached a vote; if you see white smoke, they have reached a vote; and if you should see black smoke disguised as white smoke, that means they voted michael jackson guilty.
Iran announced today they have stopped broadcasting the al Jazeera network in that country. They’re also thinking of dropping WB. I guess "Reba” is not a big hit over there.
Electronics experts say that by 2009 people will be able to watch tv programs on their cell phones. So we are now exactly 4 years away from the largest car accident is history.
Business news – U.S. Airways and America West are in talks to merge….to form one really crappy airline.
Letterman
It’s been cold here in New York City. It was so cold today Bill was happy to get the third degree from Hillary.
President Bush is on an important trip to Europe. Today he met with Russian President Vladimir Putin, he was forceful saying that he wants to see signs of democracy flourishing in Russia. And Putin wanted Bush to show him his yo-yo tricks.
President Bush says that an attack on Iran is ridiculous. You know what that means – we’re going to attack Iran.
