Sunday, April 17, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
President Bush has chosen scientist Michael Griffin to be NASA Administrator, and he’s ordered him to save the Hubble Telescope and build a new manned space vehicle. Hey, that’s kind of ironic - George Bush telling a rocket scientist what to do?
Mike Tyson is getting back in the ring again. this time on June 11th. He picked the 11th because his Zoloft runs out on the 10th.
Tyson said he got the idea to fight again when he bit into an ear he found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili.
The Rolling Stones announced they’re going to be touring this summer. I believe this one will be called "They Smell Like Old People Tour”.
In fact, The city of Boston is planning to have the Rolling Stones play a concert in Fenway Park this fall. That’s kind of a tradition in Boston, like winning the World Series. Every 86 years, the Rolling Stones come back and play again.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Not Getting Enough Sleep:
1. You're beginning to think Michael Jackson might be innocent.
2. Duties as President limit you to a mere 11 hours a night.
3. You take naps at work--only problem, you sleep in the nude.
4. (Writers too tired to write number four)
5. You schedule unnecessary surgery just for the three hours of general anesthetic.
6. Your typical lunch: coffee grounds on whole wheat.
7. When asked to describe yourself, most people say "Lethargic Sumbitch".
8. You're so fatigued, you get winded chewing gum.
9. Can't even stay awake for the two minutes it takes to have sex.
10. You always fall asleep on airplanes--and you're the pilot.
Leno
President Bush has chosen scientist Michael Griffin to be NASA Administrator, and he’s ordered him to save the Hubble Telescope and build a new manned space vehicle. Hey, that’s kind of ironic - George Bush telling a rocket scientist what to do?
Mike Tyson is getting back in the ring again. this time on June 11th. He picked the 11th because his Zoloft runs out on the 10th.
Tyson said he got the idea to fight again when he bit into an ear he found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili.
The Rolling Stones announced they’re going to be touring this summer. I believe this one will be called "They Smell Like Old People Tour”.
In fact, The city of Boston is planning to have the Rolling Stones play a concert in Fenway Park this fall. That’s kind of a tradition in Boston, like winning the World Series. Every 86 years, the Rolling Stones come back and play again.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Not Getting Enough Sleep:
1. You're beginning to think Michael Jackson might be innocent.
2. Duties as President limit you to a mere 11 hours a night.
3. You take naps at work--only problem, you sleep in the nude.
4. (Writers too tired to write number four)
5. You schedule unnecessary surgery just for the three hours of general anesthetic.
6. Your typical lunch: coffee grounds on whole wheat.
7. When asked to describe yourself, most people say "Lethargic Sumbitch".
8. You're so fatigued, you get winded chewing gum.
9. Can't even stay awake for the two minutes it takes to have sex.
10. You always fall asleep on airplanes--and you're the pilot.
