Thursday, December 23, 2004
Leno
As you know, Time magazine named George W. Bush the person of the year. I’m not sure Bush understands it. In fact, Bush said he can’t decide whether he wants the free travel clock or the tote bag.
You know who else was being considered? Michael Moore. Michael Moore was also considered for Time person of the year. But unfortunately he didn’t fit on the cover.
Welcome to NBC – or, as we call it, "a series of unfortunate programs."
The weather in L.A. has been terrific, but back East it’s been freezing in Philadelphia. Snow everywhere. In fact, in New York City, it was 5 below Hillary.
It was so cold in New York, Bernard Kerik got in bed with his own wife.
Actually, in San Francisco it was so cold that Barry Bonds got in a snowball fight and killed three people.
There’s a big funeral home out here that’s suggesting giving cemetery plots as Christmas gifts. Oh yeah, what better way to say Merry Christmas than "I was thinking about you being dead."
Nearly 75 percent of older Americans say they’re in favor of legalizing medical marijuana. You thought Grandma’s house smelled funny before ...
Have you heard about this new book out this week? It claims that Abraham Lincoln was gay. In fact, they’re saying he not only had a Gettysburg address, he had a West Hollywood address also.
Letterman
Today is the shortest day of the year. The longest day of the year is of course Christmas, when you spend the whole day with relatives.
I was out shopping today. It was crazy, it was nuts, I was getting pushed, there was so many people – it was like an Arafat funeral.
More bad news for Bernard Kerik. He’s been put on Santa’s naughty list.
President Bush is standing by Donald Rumsfeld. You know what that means? He’ll be gone in a week.
Conan
Time magazine has announced its person of the year and it was President Bush. Doing Time magazine has also announced their person of the year as being Martha Stewart.
Did you see USA Today today? They had a nice pie chart. No, Donald Rumsfeld wrote an editorial defending the War in Iraq. You could tell it was written by Rumsfeld because it started with "Shut your pie hole and listen!"
A cold wave has hit Florida. Yesterday, temperatures in Orlando reached the low 40s. It was so cold that the giant ball at Epcot Center shriveled to half its size.
As you know, Time magazine named George W. Bush the person of the year. I’m not sure Bush understands it. In fact, Bush said he can’t decide whether he wants the free travel clock or the tote bag.
You know who else was being considered? Michael Moore. Michael Moore was also considered for Time person of the year. But unfortunately he didn’t fit on the cover.
Welcome to NBC – or, as we call it, "a series of unfortunate programs."
The weather in L.A. has been terrific, but back East it’s been freezing in Philadelphia. Snow everywhere. In fact, in New York City, it was 5 below Hillary.
It was so cold in New York, Bernard Kerik got in bed with his own wife.
Actually, in San Francisco it was so cold that Barry Bonds got in a snowball fight and killed three people.
There’s a big funeral home out here that’s suggesting giving cemetery plots as Christmas gifts. Oh yeah, what better way to say Merry Christmas than "I was thinking about you being dead."
Nearly 75 percent of older Americans say they’re in favor of legalizing medical marijuana. You thought Grandma’s house smelled funny before ...
Have you heard about this new book out this week? It claims that Abraham Lincoln was gay. In fact, they’re saying he not only had a Gettysburg address, he had a West Hollywood address also.
Letterman
Today is the shortest day of the year. The longest day of the year is of course Christmas, when you spend the whole day with relatives.
I was out shopping today. It was crazy, it was nuts, I was getting pushed, there was so many people – it was like an Arafat funeral.
More bad news for Bernard Kerik. He’s been put on Santa’s naughty list.
President Bush is standing by Donald Rumsfeld. You know what that means? He’ll be gone in a week.
Conan
Time magazine has announced its person of the year and it was President Bush. Doing Time magazine has also announced their person of the year as being Martha Stewart.
Did you see USA Today today? They had a nice pie chart. No, Donald Rumsfeld wrote an editorial defending the War in Iraq. You could tell it was written by Rumsfeld because it started with "Shut your pie hole and listen!"
A cold wave has hit Florida. Yesterday, temperatures in Orlando reached the low 40s. It was so cold that the giant ball at Epcot Center shriveled to half its size.
