Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Leno
There’s talk in some political circles of amending the United States Constitution so Arnold Schwarzenegger could be president. But the Democrats are against it – first, they want the constitution changed so maybe a Democrat can maybe be president again.
Here’s some good news – U.S. forces have taken Fallujah. But experts say it will be hard to keep Iraq’s insurgents from going after people in other cities. It will be hard, hey, we can’t even keep the Indiana Pacers from going after people in other cities.
How many of you watched the new NBA reality show Friday? "Who wants to be attacked by a millionaire?”
Wasn’t that unbelievable? Did you see Indiana’s Ron Arrest, I mean Artest, go into the stands after that guy? You know at first when I saw an NBA player attacking a fan I thought, uh oh, Kobe must be dating again.
In fact this was the first sporting event in history where the nosebleed seats were down in front.
Today the Pacers unveiled their new slogan – "If you can’t beat ‘em, beat ‘em!”
David Stern the commissioner of basketball is not taking this lightly. Oh man, did you see his press conference? I understand he handed out nine suspensions and four Vibe Awards.
It was on this date in 1963 that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. You know when I was growing up, everyone would always say "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?” Today the new head of the CIA said, "Kennedy has been shot?”
In a speech at the summit in Chile, President Bush said he will work hard to have a major guest worker program with Mexico so that we can fill empty jobs nobody wants. Like in his cabinet.
President Bush met with the president of Colombia today. Bush told the President of Colombia that Whitney and Bobby send their best. The president gave Bush a package for Bobby and Whitney.
As you know, the Clinton Library was opened last Thursday. And today the city council in Little Rock voted to shut it down. Turns out, the area is not zoned for adult businesses.
I’m sure you saw the Clinton Library? Pretty impressive. They say the collection consists of more than 80 million presidential items, many that vibrate.
The sentencing phase of the Scott Peterson trial began today. This would determine whether or not he gets the death penalty. Legal analysts said today that this phase of the trial is being watch very closely. Especially by Robert Blake.
Here’s an amazing story - NASA flew an unmanned jet that went almost 7,000 miles per hour. Ten times the speed of sound! Which means one day, a jet could go from N.Y. to Los Angeles in 20 minutes. Well, 21 minutes, there’d be a one minute layover in Atlanta.
The co-founder of Nike has stepped down after 36 years in charge. He’s being replaced by a 13-year-old Malaysian boy named Pago.
Here’s something we mentioned the other night – there’s a new generation of porno films coming out featuring married couples. Married people are appearing together in these porno films. And you can really tell their married. During foreplay one couple was talking about refinancing their house.
A company called castaway travel is now offering an all-nude vacation to Mexico which they say starts with a nude airline flight. Well that should speed things up at security.
Letterman
I had a rough weekend. I found out mom threw a beer at Ron Artest.
Did you see that melee at the Pacers and Pistons game? There was screaming, shoving, rioting – it was like Arafat’s funeral.
Ron Artest has been suspended for the incident. The good news – he has been chosen to host the Vibe Awards next year.
Artest will be out the whole season. 140 game suspension. That should give a glimmer of hope to the Knicks!
There’s talk in some political circles of amending the United States Constitution so Arnold Schwarzenegger could be president. But the Democrats are against it – first, they want the constitution changed so maybe a Democrat can maybe be president again.
Here’s some good news – U.S. forces have taken Fallujah. But experts say it will be hard to keep Iraq’s insurgents from going after people in other cities. It will be hard, hey, we can’t even keep the Indiana Pacers from going after people in other cities.
How many of you watched the new NBA reality show Friday? "Who wants to be attacked by a millionaire?”
Wasn’t that unbelievable? Did you see Indiana’s Ron Arrest, I mean Artest, go into the stands after that guy? You know at first when I saw an NBA player attacking a fan I thought, uh oh, Kobe must be dating again.
In fact this was the first sporting event in history where the nosebleed seats were down in front.
Today the Pacers unveiled their new slogan – "If you can’t beat ‘em, beat ‘em!”
David Stern the commissioner of basketball is not taking this lightly. Oh man, did you see his press conference? I understand he handed out nine suspensions and four Vibe Awards.
It was on this date in 1963 that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. You know when I was growing up, everyone would always say "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?” Today the new head of the CIA said, "Kennedy has been shot?”
In a speech at the summit in Chile, President Bush said he will work hard to have a major guest worker program with Mexico so that we can fill empty jobs nobody wants. Like in his cabinet.
President Bush met with the president of Colombia today. Bush told the President of Colombia that Whitney and Bobby send their best. The president gave Bush a package for Bobby and Whitney.
As you know, the Clinton Library was opened last Thursday. And today the city council in Little Rock voted to shut it down. Turns out, the area is not zoned for adult businesses.
I’m sure you saw the Clinton Library? Pretty impressive. They say the collection consists of more than 80 million presidential items, many that vibrate.
The sentencing phase of the Scott Peterson trial began today. This would determine whether or not he gets the death penalty. Legal analysts said today that this phase of the trial is being watch very closely. Especially by Robert Blake.
Here’s an amazing story - NASA flew an unmanned jet that went almost 7,000 miles per hour. Ten times the speed of sound! Which means one day, a jet could go from N.Y. to Los Angeles in 20 minutes. Well, 21 minutes, there’d be a one minute layover in Atlanta.
The co-founder of Nike has stepped down after 36 years in charge. He’s being replaced by a 13-year-old Malaysian boy named Pago.
Here’s something we mentioned the other night – there’s a new generation of porno films coming out featuring married couples. Married people are appearing together in these porno films. And you can really tell their married. During foreplay one couple was talking about refinancing their house.
A company called castaway travel is now offering an all-nude vacation to Mexico which they say starts with a nude airline flight. Well that should speed things up at security.
Letterman
I had a rough weekend. I found out mom threw a beer at Ron Artest.
Did you see that melee at the Pacers and Pistons game? There was screaming, shoving, rioting – it was like Arafat’s funeral.
Ron Artest has been suspended for the incident. The good news – he has been chosen to host the Vibe Awards next year.
Artest will be out the whole season. 140 game suspension. That should give a glimmer of hope to the Knicks!
